Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
I was super surprised when the cashier wouldn’t give me her number.
I could’ve sworn she was checking me out.
Someone really did a number on the office bathroom.
I got really upset until I realized I work from home and I am the only one home.
Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?
All the others are non-binary
Man at the theatre asks the usher: “what’s my seat number?”
Usher responds: “10-Q”
Man responds: “You’re welcome. Now what’s my seat number?”
Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?
Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.
What’s the most relaxed number?
After mathematicians wondered for many years about the rational numbers, they realised there's more!
If 666 is the number of the beast, what’s 668?
The neighbor of the beast...
To the guy who invented the number zero:
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
The password is password1. It requires letters AND numbers.
What do I think about the number 13?
Why is the Supreme Leader of North Korea number 1.
Because he is Kim Jong-Un, not Kim Jong-Deux.
Plus his father passed away since he was Kim Jong-ill.
What did the number 2 say to number 4?
I'm always rooting for you
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight
Credit to u/Butterflies_Books
I found the number one cause of dry skin!
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
A German soldier during World War II was embellishing the number of troops he had with him
When the Allies thought it was just him, he claimed there were not 1 but 2. Then he changed his story to 3. Then he said 5, then 8, then 13, and finally 21. When the Allies made it to his position, they discovered that it actually was just him.
Turns out he was a fibber nazi.
The other day I saw a large number of bread rolls moving rhythmically to music.
They were doing it in a-bun-dance.
Recently the number 3 went missing in Mexico.
It disappeared without a tres. At least, that's what cinco seis.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers
Some students needed help calculating the number of food and drinks they'd need for a party. Their teacher responds...
"What's the equation? (occasion)"
What is the number one cause of divorce in America?
The number "eight" starts with an E.
But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.
Did you hear about the mathematician that hated negative numbers?
He’d stop at nothing to stay away from them
What number is the most egotistical?
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
Did you hear the joke about the number eight that fell over on it’s side?
It just seems to go on forever.
I drew the number 8 and called it opportunity.
I turned it on its side, now it’s endless opportunity.
Natural numbers fail to understand the importance of decimal numbers.
They always miss the point.
I have seen a number of pirates in the US Capital
I suppose they really like D.C.
Once upon a time in numberland, the numbers 3 and 5 were jealous of the number 2.
2 was enjoying a special position in the sequence of numbers. It was the only even prime number. All the other even numbers existed only because 2 existed. Heck, even computers ran on base-2.
As a result, 2 looked down upon all the other numbers, but no one could do anything about it.
3 and 5 conspired against 2 and decided they needed to do something so that it lost its powers. They kidnapped 2, and through magic divided 2’s powers equally among themselves. 2 ceased to exist. 3 and 5 both increased by 1.
Looking at 2’s dead body, they said, “Now we are even.”
I called the Incontinence Hotline number.
The voice said, "Please hold."
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
What did they say to the guy they invented the number 0?
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
My girlfriend in college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
To the person that invented the number 0
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight
For the person who invented the number 0
Thanks for nothing.
(If this has been done, im very sorry.)
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