My dad is obsessed with The Beatles and is missing just one of their songs from his record collection.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Mar 12 2022
I once knew a pair of twins who looked almost exactly alike, the only difference between them was that one was missing an eye.
I guess they were dentical twins
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︎ Jan 08 2022
Did you hear about the painter that went missing?
Yeah, one day he just up and varnished.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 27 2022
The guy I hired to pave my driveway has gone missing.
Hope he resurfaces one day.
π︎ 65
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︎ Jan 03 2022
Did you hear the one about the pirate game with missing facial features?
They had to release an eye patch!
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 25 2021
May you find peace in the missing piece.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 15 2021
Iβve been watching the Notre Dame football game, and they seem to be missing a player.
Thereβs a quarterback and a running back, but Iβve yet to see the hunchback.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 28 2021
Two pirates attacked a ship carrying famous artworks and stole the Mona Lisa painting. One pirate looked at the painting and said something is missing. The other one agreed...
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︎ Oct 07 2021
Aladdin's lamp melted because of the hot season. Suddenly it went missing and Aladdin yelled
"Where's the lamp SAUCE!!!"
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 04 2021
I just realized that my calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, it still works.
π︎ 689
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︎ Apr 08 2021
HELP my dog went missing in the garden!
If anyone caesar, lettuce know.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 22 2021
What happened to the guy who sued over his missing luggage?
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 08 2021
If all the elves were missing from my son's LOTR Lego set
Would you call that a Lego-loss?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 12 2021
What did Kelly Clarkson say when the antique jewelry saleswoman went missing?
What happened to Miss into pendants?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 29 2021
I posted this on r/eyebleach and in the end it got heavily downvoted but I wasn't missing the opportunity to post a terrible pun
π︎ 2
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︎ May 18 2021
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
π︎ 40
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︎ Mar 20 2021
I bought a discount thesaurus. Half the pages are missing...
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 12 2021
Two skunks were named In and Out. One day, In went missing. Even though he was deep in the forest, Out found him right away. When asked how he did it, Out replied
π︎ 11
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︎ May 21 2021
Why was the cookie missing his friend?
Because heβd been a wafer too long.
π︎ 19
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︎ Mar 27 2021
I hate missing out on the weekly episode of my favourite soap opera.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 14 2021
What did the hospital say to the man with 100% of his left side missing?
The doctor says βHeβs alrightβ
The nurse follows βThereβs nothing left!
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 19 2021
Did you hear about the duckling that went missing?
It was abduckted.
Hope this quacked you up.
π︎ 99
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Did you hear about the missing valise?
It was an open-and-shut-case
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Where did the magician go to find missing trees?
The harbour, so he could make them a pier.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 18 2021
What did the cowboy say about the missing cattle?
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Have you heard of the 9 year old kid that went missing?
Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 26 2021
My wife said the βEβ was missing from my sons alphabet set.
I replied, βNo way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!β
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 06 2020
I googled the phrase "missing medieval servant".
It came back with "page not found".
π︎ 936
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︎ Apr 10 2019
Recently the number 3 went missing in Mexico.
It disappeared without a tres. At least, that's what cinco seis.
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 28 2020
How did the farmer find his missing wife?
π︎ 42
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︎ Sep 20 2020
I was in a punk band in the '80s called 'Missing Cat'
You might remember our flyers
π︎ 33
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︎ Jun 22 2020
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
The missus has been missing for a week now. The police have told me to prepare for the worst...
So I have been back to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Why did the machine gunner keep missing his targets?
He suffered from turret syndrome.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I fell asleep in the cab and later I woke up with my liver missing
I'm starting to think that the driver who said he'll "deliver me" was a bit shady.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 20 2020
Did you hear the story of the missing thong underwear?
Itβs a whale of a tale.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 06 2020
What is the term for when a farmer's cow goes missing?
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 03 2020
People who think semi-colons & commas are the same, are missing the point.
π︎ 106
π
︎ Jun 28 2019
Have you heard the news about the Art club going missing.
They disappeared without a trace.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 27 2020
I reported my root garden missing to the police.
They told me theyβd see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasnβt their beet. I donβt think they carrot all!
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Http is missing the s for secure.
π︎ 21
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︎ Sep 11 2019
My calculator is missing the minus button....
But on the plus side it still works.
π︎ 234
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
If all the elves were missing from my son's LOTR Lego set,
Would you call that a Lego-loss?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
I googled the phrase βmissing medieval servantβ.
It came back with βpage not foundβ.
π︎ 313
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
My calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, ...it still works.
π︎ 369
π
︎ Aug 05 2018
My calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side,...it still works.
π︎ 126
π
︎ Oct 18 2018
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