The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Why did the limestone leave her husband?
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
What did the British guy tell his Indian mother when he was going to leave?
When you go into the bathroom you're American. When you leave the bathroom you're American. What are you when you're in the bathroom?
Why did Jesus leave the door to his tomb open?
Because he was born in a barn.
My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop the Star Wars puns.
Divorce is strong with this one.
Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..
Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",
" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."
Why do the British leave out the ‘t’ in ‘bottle’?
What did the yoga instructor say when he was asked to leave the building?
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
A Buddhist monk leave the monastery...
Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.
One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"
To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."
The bouncer told me I had to leave.
When I asked "Why?" I was told...
Because it's my trampoline and I don't know you."
Why did the pirate get in his ship and leave immediately when he got a phone call?
Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..
.. last year I raked it in.
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
What do people who like to annoy grammar snobs call it when you leave the Great Lakes unprotected?
Ireland has just introduced a maximum six person indoors rule. Where will that leave the seven dwarves..?
..one of them won't be Happy.
Didn't even leave the first.
Why did the fat guy leave the store?
He forgot his Debbie card
Did you hear the nursery rhyme where one letter gets laid then leaves the other letter?
My wife threatened to leave me unless I take my iguana to the vet.
She says I have a reptile dysfunction.
Had too many drinks at the pub last night, so the lads suggested I leave the car there and take the bus home.
Turns out I was in no fit state to drive it home either.
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:
Speak now or forever hold your pee
What does every tickle me Elmo get before they leave the factory?
What did the wolf say when he wanted to leave for a trip?
Let's GOOOOOoooooooooowwwww
(my 7yo daughter made this up and had me breathin hard through my noise for a split second)
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
I carry dietary fiber with me instead of a knife when I leave the house...
I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass.
Why did the doctor leave early ?
Why did the programmer leave his job ?
Because he couldn’t hack it.
Why did the two elephants have to leave the beach?
They only had a pair of trunks.
My gf wasn’t impressed when she asked me to leave the door ajar
Why do boats never go to sleep after they leave the dock?
Because they leave a wake.
The tea leaves were brewing an unrest...
... and they are now trapped in a kettle.
What do you call a person in D.C. that never leaves the first floor of a building?
Why did the astronaut leave his wife?
Why couldn’t the whistleblower leave his house?
If other European countries were to leave the EU
Sir Good, what do people say to you when you leave in the evening?
The Monkees are touring Switzerland and my wife threatened to leave me unless we flew out there to see them. I thought she was joking.......
Then I saw her face, Now we're in Geneva.
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
If you go into the bathroom an American, and you leave the bathroom an American, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?
Looking forward to the Fall, when I can make serious money gathering leaves..
Why did the cop leave early
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