What do you call the crew of a rocket launch that gets cancelled?

Astronots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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The rocket scientists finally figured out what when wrong with their missile launch ...

Turns out it was a case of projectile dysfunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Why did he order books long before the launch date?

Because he wanted to book them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreaded_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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Elon Musk sending his Tesla in to space will probably be the best car launch ever.

I bet his competitors will be annoyed at how much they need to lift their game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prototype__
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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What button does the Naval admiral press to launch the submarine torpedo?

The belly button

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Showed my dad the Tesla car launch...

His response was "I hope they don't break down, I don't think triple A covers space."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BAM5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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I launched the bowling ball down the lane and got a strike.

I've since been banned from the swimming club.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...

Apparently, nobody was interested in buying β€˜Shatner Panties’.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...

It was a far-thing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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I've heard they just launched the new reptilian-focused aid programme.

They called it Gatorade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avohka
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Digiorno is launching a frozen pizza crust that spreads itself out on the pan...

I don’t feel like there’s a knead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I've been really keen on watching the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launches lately...

... Guess you could say that I've been watching them like a hawk!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

It would be the herd shot ’round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyDeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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WARNING FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS THE KFC GAME CONSOLE

Avoid getting a console on launch day. Multiple units had to be recalled due to the circuit boards being "fried".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeCodecaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Did you hear about Apple buying the rights to Bambi?

They'll use it for the launch of the new iFawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFMDX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My neighbor installed a security system in his porch that launches intruders into the air, and I could tell he was very happy about it.

There was a spring in his step.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Did you hear that the founder of SpaceX is launching his own perfume brand?

Elon's Musk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Have you heard about the new subscription service, that Gary Lineker has launched? 28 portions of green tea delivered monthly.

It’s called Matcha the Day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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A new French Fry brand for the elderly has been launched

McCane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nick182002
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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If i was an astronaut, before every mission i would sit down with my wife and tell her

"listen honey, its not that i want a divorce, i just think i need some space." Then i would put on my helmet and slow walk to the launch pad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASpellingAirror
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2015
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A lumberjack died in the woods...

There once was a lumberjack who was known as the hardest working lumberjack in the woods. Old Doolittle Dawort Deigh had a reputation and the complete respect of his coworkers for nearly 60 years. As we all know, tough lumberjacks can’t have sissy names. So many years ago, as was the tradition in the woods, old Doolittle Dawort Deigh was saddled with a nickname and had become known as simply Do Dah.

One tragic afternoon, old Do Dah was working his trade when a tree happened to fall the wrong way. Poor old Do Dah was squished flatter than a lumberjack flapjack. His coworkers, distraught at the thought of breaking the news of Do Dah’s death to his elderly wife, decided that perhaps if bad news was presented in a somewhat good way, it might soften the blow.

So that afternoon, old Do Dah’s fellow lumberjacks gathered on the stoop of the now widowed Mrs. Deigh and hesitantly knocked on the door. It took a few minutes for the old widow to make it across the room to the door. Finally as the door creaked open, the chorus of lumberjacks launched into a rousing rendition of

β™ͺ Guess who died in the woods today β™« Do Dah, Do Dah. β™« Guess who died in the woods today Old Do Dah Deigh. ♬

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philo-sopher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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Star Wars Puns

In the spirit of the Star Wars film launching, lets share our best star wars puns. I'll start off:

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t love Star Wars, you’re looking for love in Alderaan places.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siborg71
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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What's next for Apple?

The iPhone 6 and its big brother the plus has just been launched and already websites are crawling with the next iphone slated to launch in sep-oct of 2015 and experts are wondering if the new iPhone under Tim Cook's management will flop or be a....6 s?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FingerFlares
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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Got my own dad yesterday during fireworks

My dad, my brothers, and I have been at our family farm (we don't live there) for the weekend of the 4th. Last night we were outside shooting off fireworks, as any real American does on the 4th. About 50 feet in front of the house is a 4 foot high fence. My dad discovered that one of the cracker launchers we had fit perfectly in the upper part to launch the crackers into the air at an angle. Always the cautious one of the bunch, I responded to his idea:

"I dunno dad, I'm on the fence about this one."

Naturally, my brothers congratulated me on how lame my jokes were and told me to go inside and make more hot dogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/degco44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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Professor got a fellow student in class today

We were talking about when women gained the right to vote in the U.S. in my Western Civilization class when my professor launched this zinger. Prof:"When was your grandmother born?" Student:"1917" Prof:"Why couldn't she vote when she was born?" Student:"Because women didn't have the right to vote yet." Prof:"No, because she was only one day old!"

I laughed, most of the class gave a nice groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IBlazeWithBob
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2014
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Talking about the Antares rocket in class...

Student: Yeah, it was supposed to launch Monday, but the mission was scrubbed.

Me: Well at least it was clean before it exploded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandajerk20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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