Everyone keeps telling me there's 26 letters in the alphabet, not 25
I always keep an extra pair of gloves with me in the winter
They’re just a good thing to have on-hand
How does the solar system keep it's pants from falling down?
The name for the drawer where I keep my underwear?
How do libraries help keep the books warm?
They give them book jackets!
The furniture store keeps calling me.
But I only wanted one nightstand
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed
To be honest this is pretty demolarizing
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Where did the nut keep his money?
How did people in the ancient world keep track of how many people they made out with?
How do you keep water in a hole in the ground until you need it?
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
How does the Earth keep itself clean ?
The impala was struggling to keep up with the rest of the herd.
She refused to pick up her pace because she was anti-lope.
Where’s the best place to keep your underwear?
People keep asking me what's the difference between Ignorance and Apathy
I don't know, and I don't care.
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, “THE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”
It might be farmer Geddon.
A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up.
“Sorry, I’m a little behind.”
People ask me why I keep bring my sled to places like yard sales and the flea market
I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!
Why couldn’t the young, electric train keep up with the old trains?
Because he ran out of steam
I went to the psychiatrist because I keep acting like a dog.
Doc: lie down on the couch and we’ll discuss this.
Me: I’m not allowed on the couch.
they just keep getting served all the time
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
Where do they keep all the mansplains?
In the ‘well, actually ‘✨
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
Who keeps the ocean clean?
A mermaid!
Courtesy of my 10 year old daughter
Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Drives me crazy when people keep repeating the same dad joke
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keeps attacking him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Guess where I keep all the lollipops?
Where does the general keep his armies?
I'm going to be working on my next dadjoke over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll keep u posted.
Last night I was arguing to my wife about who should keep our children in the divorce and I got angry and threw some trifle at her
She ended up getting custardy
I swear stairs are gonna be my d o w n fall, the way they keep s t a i r i n g at me...
I keep reading about Real Madrid in the news,
I do hope they catch the Fake Madrid.
Doctor Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings
That's ok, you're just Tolkien in your sleep.
A guy told me to keep the change
I dunno, it didn't make much cents to me. I already keep the change I made; I've been the same way for years.
Everyone keeps saying that after the election there's gonna be a civil war. I disagree.
There's gonna be a Trumper Tantrum
Why did the ear itchiness keep coming back after being scratched?
Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA
but they never say when it’ll hit.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
But only if you throw it hard enough
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
My son is saying that I keep alluding to the Third Reich.
Personally, I just do Nazi it.
A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up.
“Sorry, I’m a little behind.”
Where does the General keep his armies?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
