The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?
my brother in law was addicted to the hokey pokey. it took him a while but eventually he...
My father in law is the master at Dad Jokes, this is my favorite he tells my son
You must be built backwards because your feet smell and your nose runs.
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.
In short his practice is shrinking.
What's the difference between In-Laws and Outlaws
Midget psychic was in trouble with the law
He was small medium at large
"I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding
"Add some jam on it," he continued
(Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)
Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.
Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it?
Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.
The no smoking with a child in the car law is rediculous.
I mean, Look at the poor fella freezing out there.
My father-in-law (who's last name is Word) after a week of travel: Are you getting sick of the Word "family"?
Me: That's an odd word to get sick of.
What do they call the law enforcement in Indiana?
A lawyer and a law maker had been in an argument for several years, escalating into a bet to see who would break the law first. The lawyer then found himself in a trial against the law maker.
The law maker was outlawed.
Last Thanksgiving I cut myself with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law walks up and grabs the bloody cut and starts twisting it. I screamed “Ouch, what are you doing!!”
He says, “I’m applying the turn-a-cut!”
My mother-in-law always wanted to visit the Valley of a Thousand Hills, so I've booked her trip -
I almost answered the phone when my talkative German brother-in-law was calling me, but thankfully I recognized the number.
We came back from the ultrasound, and my mother in law said, “Did you get to see the fetus?”
I said, “Fetus, Hand-us, Leg-us, There’s practically a whole baby in there!”
Which dad had the best mother-in-law?
I’m talking with my sister in law about the fruit salad she made (my best quick response I’ve ever had)
Last family picnic my sister in law made a really good fruit salad. I was talking with her an my spouse’s aunt about it. SIL was saying how she’d gotten a mini pineapple and mini watermelon for the salad.
The aunt asks “where’s you get all these mini fruit”
Without skipping a beat I reply “the minimart!”
"Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door....
She replied, "my name is Anna!"
I said, "Yes! Yes I know "
Father in law in the store.
So we're Swedish and this joke only works in Swedish (sorry).
We went to buy some food, and the word liver has 2 meanings in Swedish ( lever - live and liver)
So I said (pointing at the liver) Liver. He walk up to it and stares at it... And then he says nah looks pretty dead to me...
Sorry probably not so funny for you non sweeds..
So, I was walking with my wife on the street, and we saw 6 six guys beating up my mother-in-law
Wife yells: Hey, aren't you going to help??
Me: No, six should be enough
Sister-in-law: "We saw thousands of ducks this morning! They were swooping all over the place, acting crazy!"
Me: "I guess you could say it was a...cluster duck."
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted!
(while it may be fair to say this isn't exactly a "dad" joke, I feel like it is a joke for dads (or moms), since they all know what I'm talking about.)
My father-in-law told my wife that there was “pee” on the floor
All the boats in Denmark and Sweden are required by law to have a barcode on the side.
It's so they can scan-da-navy-in.
The bride-to-be and her soon-to-be mother-in-law didn't agree on much during the wedding planning
Both being from Texas, the MIL wanted something BIG and fancy. And the BTB wanted more of a traditional outdoors gathering. They couldn't even agree on what to serve their guests for dinner. As the date approached, they were barely speaking to each other.
In the end, it was a chili reception.
Had dinner with the future father in law last night
And I looked at my food sighed heavily and put my face in my hands.
Him: "What's going on?"
Me: "There's just so much on my plate right now"
Then I asked for his daughters hand in marriage.
It was a yes!
What’s the difference between terrorist and mother in law?
With the terrorist you can negotiate
The law states one cannot run in a campground.
You can only ran because it's past tents.
My mother-in-law was having dinner with us, and began coughing while eating her corn on the cob. She said, "I'm choking on a kernel of corn".
I said "at least it wasn't a General of Corn". No one laughed except me.
Father-In-Law just laid this one on the wife and I
So my wife is working on Genealogy stuff, and was asking her dad about some of his family history. After telling a few stories about some of his other uncles, he comes to his uncle Charles. "I was named after him, you know..." he tells us.
We look at him more than a bit incredulously, as his name is Michael.
He smiles and says "What? I sure as hell wasn't named BEFORE him..."
I took my dog, my txt-addict daughter and my mother-in-law in the car yesterday.
I can’t afford a car stereo but I still have a woofer, a tweeter and a loud-speaker.
My father-in-law: still dad-joking, even in the emergency room
While sitting on a gurney in the ER for chest pains (he's fine, just high blood pressure):
Doctor: So, what brought you here today?
Father-in-law: The ambulance.
What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws
You know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
What’s the difference between in-laws and Outlaws?
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
What's the difference between and out law and an in law?
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
What is the difference between and in-laws and outlaws?
Whats the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
What do you call a dwarf psychic that is in trouble with the law?
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
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