What did the doctor say about the hospitals shrinking food budget
"my patients are running thin"
What was the mental health hospital's primary charity program?
Two hospitals were playing hide-and-seek. What did one hospital say to the other?
Why do hospitals have AC?...to keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
I'm at the hospital for the birth of my first child, but no one is laughing at my jokes.
I really need to work on my delivery.
(But seriously, I'm about to be a dad. My wife rolled her eyes at this joke then called me "loco".)
My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back.
A nurse asked her what’s wrong, and my wife screamed, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!”
The nurse shook her head and said, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.”
My wife’s face contorted in pain as she shouted, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”
The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.
“Admit her,” the doctor said. “She’s having contractions.”
At the hospital I was admitted to, apple costs $2, pumpkin $3 and blueberry $4 per slice.
Those are the pie-rates of the care-I-be-in.
A woman whose grandson had swallowed a handful of nickels called the hospital to ask for an update.
The nurse said "No change yet."
The hospital in Rome was very generous.
I asked for an IV and they gave me four!
What does the Army hospital call the nursery?
I had to send my bacon back to the hospital.
Just before you were born, as I was driving us to the hospital, it seemed that you might be born in the car, before we reached the hospital.
If you had been, we were going to name you Carson….
What's the donkeys profession at the hospital?
This joke goes out to all the seriously injured ppl in the hospital right now…
Why did the vegetable farmer go to the hospital?
He nicked his carroted artery.
Why Was The Fish In The Hospital
My kid got admitted to the hospital after swallowing a bunch of coins.
48 hours later, no change.
I went to the hospital the other day because my wife was giving birth. The doctor came out of the room, handed me a baby and said “I’m sorry— your wife didn’t make it.”
I said, “Okay, could you give me the one my wife made?”
Winnie the Pooh fell out of a tree and broke both his legs. While he was recovering in the hospital an administrator came and told him his insurance plan wouldn't cover it. Shocked, Pooh asked why not.
"Well, it's two bear bones"
what does a peeping tom say when he looks through the hospital window?
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because it wasn't peeling right.
(My 3 yr old just told me this).
What happened to the American man who went to the hospital for a broken leg?
what did Ishmael write inside the card he sent to Ahab in the hospital?
I hate going to the hospital
Someone keeps saying, “I see you” over the intercom.
Our dad was in the hospital and they asked us his blood type but we couldn’t remember and he didn’t make it.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
People fall in line at the hospital to get treatment from the Doctor
They are all patiently waiting
I was rushed to hospital after being stabbed in the neck with a root vegetable...
Surgeons had to act fast to fix my carrot-ed artery.
Took my son to the hospital after a peek-a-boo accident
A man walked into a bar. He woke up in the hospital with a concussion and a bill.
I wanna know where they found a duck on such short notice.
the invisible man went to the hospital
Doctor said he couldn't see him right now
Who is the coolest person in a hospital?
I told my teachers that my dad was in the hospital to avoid school for a whole week.
A man was rushed to the hospital after a freak explosion at the Miniature Western World Exhibit, where several plastic horses were lodged into his rectum.
Doctors describe his condition as stable.
How did the fecal vacuumer at the hospital fell about his job?
Why was the squirrel admitted to the mental hospital?
Because he was absolutely NUTS!
While my wife was giving birth at the hospital, I tried playing hide and seek.
But they kept finding me in the ICU
Went to the hospital after accidentally drinking invisible ink
It took forever before the doctor could see me
My wife gave birth in our car on the way to the hospital.
I went to the hospital at the weekend as I accidentally drunk some invisible ink.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.
I was in the hospital for a week. I just got out and my wife tells me to take a shower and change my underwear. "Soon, they might start walking and talking on their own," she says.
I said, "They might even crack a few jokes.
.
.
"But they'll be brief."
My friend tried to make it to the hospital before his baby was born.
But he was dad on arrival.
Catastrophy was averted yesterday for famous duo circus act Rocket Randy and his mule. The moment before Randy was to be shot out of a cannon, in a separate act, his mule climbed into the cannon backwards. Both were rushed to the hospital and
It took 4 hours for surgeons to remove Randy's head from his ass.
Did you hear that Joe Biden is in the hospital?
At the hospital I was admitted to, apple costs $2, pumpkin $3 and blueberry $4 per slice.
Those are the pie-rates of the care-I-be-in.
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