Went to the grocery store and asked for 3 pounds of potatoes. "We don't have pounds", the grocer stated, "only kilos".

Annoyed, I went, "fine. I'll take 3 pounds of kilos then".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Arr_jay816
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Why did the milk get a restraining order against the grocer?

It said he was a stocker.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Strawbalicious
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?

A wrecked aisle dysfunction.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/assafstone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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What demographic of people make the best grocers?

Scandinavians

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BroOak
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
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After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over... now Iโ€™m

Sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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A vegan said to me people that sell meat are gross.

I said to the vegan people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wacey166
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2022
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A lady walks into the produce department...

And asks the grocer for some pomegranates. The grocer tells her that they don't have any.

Lady: but my friend said you had some! Grocer: sorry, but we're really all out.

Lady: are you sure? Grocer: take the straw out of strawberries, what do you get? Lady: berries? Grocer: take the water out of watermelon, what do you get? Lady: mellon?

Grocer: take the 'f' out of pomegranates, what do you get? Lady: there's no f in pomegranates. Grocer: Exactly!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/namroff
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2021
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Why was the cashier not surprised when the grocery store owner was picking his nose?

Heโ€™s done grocer things in the past.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jan_Itor_Md_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2022
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A vegan lady went on a blind date with a man. She asked him what do you do for a living. He said he is a butcher. The lady said "eww that's grouse".

The butcher replied "a person who sells vegetables is grocer".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YZXFILE
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2021
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Who won the "Most Disgusting Shopkeeper" competition?

The Grocer!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wils_152
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
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Grocery store merger

Just reading the the wall street journal. Stop and Go grocers and PDQ gas โ›ฝ๏ธ are merging. They will now be called. Stop and P

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๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but Iโ€™m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, โ€œConstipationโ€? Well it doesnโ€™t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said โ€œNo, doc, itโ€™s dis knee.โ€

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donโ€™t cause reactions, after all.

Whatโ€™s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why canโ€™t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donโ€™t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I canโ€™t stop reading books with female protagonists! Iโ€™m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fightโ€ฆ 21.

My friend told me, โ€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!โ€ So I said, โ€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!โ€

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondโ€ฆ ionic bond. โ€œTaken, not shared.โ€ What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santaโ€™s sleigh cost? $0, itโ€™s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

Iโ€™m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iโ€™m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatโ€™s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatโ€™s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kinjago
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Roadkill is gross.

The person who runs a supermarket is grocer.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Joesdad65
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Eating fish makes you smarter

Youโ€™ve heard that eating fish makes you smarter? Well, hereโ€™s the proof!

A customer at the local grocery store marveled at the proprietorโ€™s quick wit and intelligence.

โ€œTell me, what makes you so smart?โ€ he asked the owner.

โ€œI wouldnโ€™t share my secret with just anyone,โ€ came the reply. Then, lowering his voice so the other shoppers wouldnโ€™t hear, he continued. โ€œBut since youโ€™re a good and faithful customer, Iโ€™ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, youโ€™ll be positively brilliant.โ€

โ€œYou sell them here?โ€ the customer asked.

โ€œOnly $4 apiece,โ€ said the grocer.

The customer quickly bought three. A week later, he was back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he wasnโ€™t any smarter.

โ€œYou didnโ€™t eat enough,โ€ replied the store owner, and the customer went home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he was back and this time he was really angry.

โ€œHey,โ€ he said, โ€œYouโ€™re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2.Youโ€™re ripping me off!โ€

โ€œYou see?โ€ replied the grocer.โ€œYouโ€™re smarter already.โ€

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/eating-fish-makes-you-smarter/

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tfraymond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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I walked into a greengrocers today and asked for some potatoes

The grocer said โ€œwould you like king Edwards?โ€ I said โ€œno thanks, Iโ€™d rather have my ownโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lordlawson73
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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