Why did the German army not get presents from Santa during WWII?
Because they were naught-zis (Nazis).
(My 6 year old came up with this joke on his own out of the blue.)
German Shepherds of Reddit, what is the wurst pun you've ever herd?
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
Did you hear that Elon Musk is trying to add Anti-German features to the new Tesla?
He is trying to add Hans free steering.
What did the German bread say at breakfast?
Why was the German 7 so hungry?
What did the German soldier say to the French soldier at the end of WWI?
What do two German bakers say when the see each other?
What is the name of the funky German Bakery?
Just deleted all the German contacts off my phone.
While the rest of the world were stocking up on toiletpaper, the germans were stocking up on sausages and cheese
They were preparing for a wurst käse scenario
Had a German sausage for the first time today,
Why did the German go to so many aromatherapy venues?
Did you hear about the two guys who were prosecuted for plagiarizing a 1920’s German artist’s work?
They went to jail because de stijl.
Why did the German baker close down?
Because all his goods were Stollen.
How do German bread makers greet each other at the beginning of the day?
They say "Gluten Morgen!"
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine."
I said, "Are you a vet?"
To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
What's the German WW2 pilot's favourite dessert?
A German guy walks into a bar and asks for a Martini. The barman asks "dry"?
The guy says "no, just the one"
What did the German man say when asked if he could count past 8?
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.
They are preparing for a wurst käse scenario.
My German friend Hans got so drunk on American light beer we had to carry him to the truck to go home...
When you're at the urinals, it doesn't matter of you're French, German, Spanish or Swedish
A German soldier during World War II was embellishing the number of troops he had with him
When the Allies thought it was just him, he claimed there were not 1 but 2. Then he changed his story to 3. Then he said 5, then 8, then 13, and finally 21. When the Allies made it to his position, they discovered that it actually was just him.
Turns out he was a fibber nazi.
Have you heard of the Christmas game that Germans play?
What did the German millionaire say about his yacht?
.... It's verboten
Made up for my son when he was 5 forever ago
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?
Because he was in Reichweite
My sister said I looked like a German composer and musician of the Baroque period, especially when wearing my powdered wig... So I changed everything and it changed my life!
I haven't looked Bach since!
I was thinking that I am the kindest person in the world. Then I saw German kids.
The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..
.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers
A pun for all the German speakers here
An American, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, a Burmese, a Chinese, a Canadian, a Dutchman, a Dane, an Englishman, an Estonian, a German, a Japanese, a Korean, a Mexican, a Nepalese, a Pole, a Russian, and a Welshman all walk into a posh bar. The doorman says sorry, we have standards.
You can’t come in without a Thai.
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing
for the wurst.
What do you call the German man that fell into a tub of disinfectant?
Did you know what did the Grrman Bread said to another German Bread after tapping on his shoulder ?
Gluten Tag.
edit : i fucked up the title
What vehicle did German soldiers use to drive around during the second world war?
What did the german bread say to the other german bread?
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
How does the German baker greet his customers ?
What did the German baker say?
German sausage is the wurst
How does the German baker greet people?
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