The Finder Puns

holds up against dad’s urn

Beeeeep

“Yep, still works!”

Oh wait... I'm holding it.

"Oh, Alcoholicia, I have a hell of a time with them - they just keep going off every time I pick one up." - Dad.

"Oh well maybe I shouldn't buy one if I can't fig... Wait. Oh my God, Dad, you're so embarrassing." - Me

Discovered this today while hanging a curtain rod.

I am using the zircon one step stud finder, seen here http://m.acehardware.com//product/index.jsp?productId=1298011&KPID=997266&cid=CAPLA:G:Shopping_-Measuring_Tools/Marking_Tools-_New&pla=pla_997266&k_clickid=21a0e1ae-1f94-44cd-b27e-a6a83ba1fdc1

Begin by using the stud finder to locate a stud as normal. Release the button.

Lift the stud finder off the wall slightly and press the button. This will help calibrate the stud finder to "empty space", making it think that any hard surface is a stud.

Quickly place the stud finder on your chest, onto your breastbone, the stud finder should beep indicating it is on a stud.

Make joke as normal

This saves you from making the beep noise yourself, which, in my opinion weakens the joke.

This way the tool itself confirms that you're a stud.

Wife asked me to hang up some new wall decorations she picked up. One was a little heavy so I wanted to nail into a couple studs instead of just using drywall anchors. She saw me rooting around in the garage and asked what I was looking for.

"My stud finder. Wish I could turn it on remotely so it would just find me instead!"

"Sure! Mom is usually done at work around 4."

My sister just turned around and left the house.

The noise was unbearable.

The noise was unbearable.

Said my dad as he walked in the room.

"Well." He applies it to the wall and starts moving it around.

"It's used..." He's still moving it around.

Then he quickly applies it onto his chest.

"...To find studs!" The stud finder begins beeping, and my cousin and I just start laughing.

"Bet you I find it first, then you'll have to push it all night", taunted the janitor.

The custodian replied, "Finders keepers, losers sweepers."

Then he said “I’m right here, here you go” and hands me the stud finder

They eventually led to a beautiful woman in the woods, lying on a bed of moss.

"I've been waiting for you," she said, "you found my trail of treasure."

"Your treasure?" he replied, "Finders keepers lady."

Several years ago I take the boy fishing on boat. We haven't caught anything all day. I can tell he's bored but hanging with dad is still cool. I show him the fish finder, explain how it works, and tell him to get ready, there are a bunch below us. A few minutes later, not a single bite...

"Dad?"

"What's up bud?"

In complete seriousness, "Are you sure that isn't just a water finder???"

I'm so proud of that boy 🥲

At least the stud finder works.

My dad was helping me put up a mountable TV stand in my apartment. He takes out his stud-finder and holds it up to his chest, chuckling, "Hey look, I found a stud". My mom gave the same eye-roll and half-smile she's been giving him for the past 38 years.

The officer asked her if she tried using a stud finder

He says, "I cant use that stud finder. it goes off every time I go near it."

He couldn't be the only dad to ever use this one.

So I work retail and I was restocking shelves on a hardware isle with tools, doohickeys, and thingies. He was walking and talking with a new boss (training him and such) when they stopped at my isle. They didn't really notice me so it was perfect.

I picked up a stud finder and hit 'em with a classic!

"Hey guys check it out! It's a stud finder" Runs it over chest "Beep beep beep. Oh hey it's working!"

My boss had a few chuckles and the other guy said something about it being stupid but smiled anyways. Me? I was laughing my ass off.

Dad would turn on the stud finder, point it at himself and say "Found one!"

Every. Time.

Placing the stud finder to his chest, he exclaimed "Beep, beep, beep! I'm a stud!" I couldn't help but burst out laughing...this is why he's my best friend.

I was helping my dad hang up some towel racks in the bathroom. I turned on the stud finder and held up to my chest. When it beeped I looked my dad in the eyes and said "I think we've found a stud." He groaned, but I could tell he was proud of me.

(Me and co-worker discussing him moving into my apartment complex this weekend)

Me: Well are you sure you can mount a TV on it? One of the largest walls in my living room is poured in place concrete. Can't hang anything on it.

Him: Yea i checked its a stud wall. I just need to go out and get a stud finder.

Me: Just come over and borrow mine if you'd like.

Him: Actually I should probably just use [my wife], she's pretty good at finding studs.

queue: groans from myself and all surrounding co-workers

I was using a stud finder to make sure the fixture I was hanging had enough support

"I've never seen a stud this big"

Girlfriend responds and points at me

"I have"

Palm to face and she laughed so hard she stopped breathing.

My brother, my dad, and I were getting ready to move, and we started talking about the different stud-finders we own. My dad says something along the lines of "We only have, and need, one stud-finder. Your mom is a great one!"

Bought a new house with plaster walls, mentioned I needed a stud finder to hang pictures.

Parents come over today to see grandchild and my mom looks at my dad and asks did you bring the stud finder?

My dad immediately responds "Why would I need too, I'm here aren't I?"