With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Unorthodox
It was a real Shih Tzu.
I said shuriken
G sus
Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
They told me, "he doesn't count!" I replied, "I assure you, he does."
His funfair is on sundial at moon.
I will find you. You have my Word.
He won the Nobel prize
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
It varies, they're all in sects.
Unfortunately now we’ve got a load of confirmed cases...
Today I met Bruce Lee's younger unlucky brother... Unfortunate Lee
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
I told her I’d look into it.
Uncle Jerrycan.
A pair of vets who care for the wolves find them and try to get in to administer care and clean their wounds.
One says “I can’t go in there.”
“Why not?”
“The place is bloody packed.”
The doctor said he is alright. The nurses say there is nothing left in him.
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception after was great.
Because he was also a neck-romancer.
You can hide, but you can’t run!
He committed a fell-on-knee.
It’s a period piece.
They’re alright now
My thoughts are with his family.
my door is always open.
I guess love means nothing to her.
My parents are both older.
Unfortunately they travelled in different circles.
We got joint problems
May he restaurant in peace
Apparently he had very poor motor skills.
It turns out he was a real keyboard warrior.
He had a reptile dysfunction.
--joke taken from my dad joke calendar--
Their thyme is cumin
Cantelope
They are probably lying low.
He's alright.
She wore an algae bra.
He came first in high jump.
It was a disaster...
Dis-assed-her
I don't know where these people get off.
That's a moray.
