I put a bunch of fake fish in the neighborhood pond
The Garden of Eden might be a fake place
Apparently the statue of buddah I bought is fake!
I can’t believe it’s not buddah!
Asked my wife why she bought fake crap for the bathroom.
My wife: do you mean the sham poo?
I think what happened at the Oscars was fake...
Everyone there was a paid actor
What music did the fake Irish singer sing?
Did you hear about the fake Holy Land?
Apparently the Impossible Burger people are making fake dog meat next.
I know it's not really dog but I still think that's a faux paw.
I think my copy of "Das Boot" I bought at the German market is fake.
It's just a bunch of people turning their computers on.
Every year for halloween, my wife decorates the house. She always hangs a fake chopped off head from the ceiling. This year I got a shock when I saw it.
She could have given me a head’s up.
Did you hear about the Referee that spotted the fake French pastry after it was tossed on the football field?
He threw a flag and yelled “False Tart!”
Last Christmas I bought a fake Christmas tree. The sales clerk asked me if I was going to put it up myself?
I told him, "Don't be disgusting!" I'm putting it in my living room."
Who hires these people anyway?
Why was the Irish Girl Happy to Get a Fake Diamond from her Boyfriend?
It was St. Patrick’s Day and she was happy to get a “sham” rock!!!
(Full confession: Heard on a 1947 radio episode of The Jack Benny Program)
The very thought of using fake grass to cover the dirt in my yard
I was working in my shop, when one of the cashier came up to me and said, "These 2 guys came in and tried to give me some fake $100 dollar bills."
"What did they look like?" I asked
He said, "$100 bills."
What do you call the fake shit you use to wash your hair?
I got a fake medical ID made to get the COVID vaccine, but I was rejected
Why didn’t the printer print the fake news?
Because he didn’t know the fax!
What do you call the space between fake tits?
I threw a fake plastic turd at my wife's head while she was in the shower.
Maybe now she'll stop complaining that she's out of sham poo.
What is the most common nationality of the people who manufacture fake pubic hair for tv and movies?
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
What did the Monk say when he saw Jesus’s face in fake butter
I CAN’T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUDDHA!
Told the wife the hair product she bought was fake sh*t. She asked how I knew.
I told her it's literally in the name. Shampoo.
Why did the prospector get a fake id?
The bar doesn't serve minors.
I went to a christening where the priest was wearing glasses, a fake nose, fake moustache and a wig...
It was a blessing in disguise
The moon landing is obviously fake
Like c’mon the moon is still up there. It never landed.
To everyone who thinks the moonlanding was fake
What's the best way to clean up fake shit?
The substance you wash your hair with isn’t made from real feces, it’s fake. You could say it’s sham poo.
I had no idea my wife put a fake mustache on the squash
When I went to grab it, it caught me off gourd.
Did you hear about the guy selling fake Wimbledon tickets?
What is the difference between an embarrassing social situation and a fake dad?
Nothing, they're both faux pas.
I was excited to tell my friends I got a job at the fake foot store, but they wouldn't believe me.
Everyone kept saying it was a faux toe shop.
Looking at some fake fruit on the table, my dad said, “oh no!”
A guy walks up to the convenience store counter and tries to buy a six pack with a fake $20 bill.
The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.
She was SO upset she had a counter fit.
Why is the shower the best place to hide a fake turd?
Because where else would you find shampoo!
Some people don’t like all the attention that occurs when you combine the spellings of 3 with 5 to create both a fake word/number.
But personally, I thrive on it.
What do you call the guy who's driving a Fake Taxi?
When you see fake grass for the first time
What did the zookeeper yell when people kept saying the chimp in the cage was fake?
The Oscars are fake.
They are all paid actors.
What do you call the space between fake tits?
The moon landing was fake
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