Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
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︎ Sep 22 2020
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldnβt afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I punched Santa in the face
He called my daughter a "ho". 3 times!!!
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I once saw a woman punch a Mall Santa in the face.
But he did call her a "ho" like three times.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
What does the invisible man have in the middle of his face?
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︎ Sep 27 2020
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, βIf you cross this, Iβll hit you in the face.β
/r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/β¦
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I'm still figuring out how to properly wear a face covering. Before I could master the art I was robbed of my beloved mask...
It was stolen from right under my nose.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."
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︎ Mar 05 2020
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.
It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".
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︎ Nov 11 2020
If you get hit in the face, the home treatment is to hold a raw steak against it to reduce swelling...
...it does more than meats the eye.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Pooh's face in the last panel tho
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︎ Dec 28 2019
I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face
And this is what I call a punch line
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︎ Jul 04 2020
They refused to hire the boat assassin to be the face of the company
They had a feeling he'd be a sails killer
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︎ Sep 05 2020
My girlfriend grabbed a hand full of coins and slapped me in the face.
About time she slapped some cents into me.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Dad: Whatβs the best way to affix a mask to your face? Me: I donβt know.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...
He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!
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︎ Aug 10 2020
I came out of the bathroom with a sad look on my face and turned to my wife
"I guess my dad was right after all"
...
"I am full of shit"
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︎ Aug 21 2020
I know people put mud on their faces for various benefits but I saw a sign the other day that said sewage treatment works
But trust me, it doesnβt
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︎ Sep 09 2020
What did the Monk say when he saw Jesusβs face in fake butter
I CANβT BELIEVE ITS NOT BUDDHA!
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︎ Aug 04 2020
Have you ever seen that video of the monkey throwing poop at a grandmaβs face?
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︎ Sep 10 2020
What did the chicken say to the Lobster who refused to wear a face mask?
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︎ Aug 09 2020
They have the cutest faces... Hands down!
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︎ Feb 20 2020
I hit a surprised person in the face
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︎ Jul 25 2020
What did the monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a margarine tub?
I can't believe it's not Buddah.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Have you ever seen a picture if Mt. Rushmore before the faces?
It was unpresidented beauty.
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︎ May 26 2020
I was going grocery shopping this morning. They told me latex gloves and a face mask was enough. So i go in the store and what do i see?
The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!
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︎ May 01 2020
My buddy, Evan, just got acquitted of all charges that he was imprinting his face in the foundation of a local housing project.
They couldn't find any concrete Evan dents.
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︎ Jun 17 2020
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.
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︎ May 07 2020
Why the long face?
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︎ Feb 15 2020
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.
βDonβt look down!β said my friend above me.
So I started smiling.
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︎ May 26 2020
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "My alcoholism is destroying my family..."
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︎ Mar 26 2020
I asked my friend if he would rather be hit in the genitals really hard, driven over a cliff and smacked in the face by a lesbian OR watch his favourite late night host. βThatβs easyβ, he replied...
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︎ Jun 07 2020
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Why is your nose in the middle of your face ?
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︎ May 19 2020
Why does your nose grow in the middle of your face?
Because itβs the scenter
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, βIf you cross this line, Iβll hit you in the face.β
That was the punchline...
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︎ Oct 23 2019
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because itβs the scenter
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Why is your nose is the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
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︎ May 14 2020
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because itβs the scenter
π︎ 63
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︎ Apr 13 2020
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, βIf you cross this line, Iβll hit you in the face.β
π︎ 17k
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︎ Jan 26 2019
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
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︎ May 15 2020
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