Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirChemi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"

"A person always wins!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I would cheat the Golden Globes. Hell, I would even manipulate the Academy Awards. But I would NEVER
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyjets4life6
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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Even the trees talk
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimbermall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Seven and eleven have the word 'even' in them....

I find that odd !!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.

Let that sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobotPreacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What is the name of a casino that even kids can gamble in?

GameStop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/believeingodalone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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I used to be a flat earther. I even set out to sail across the ocean to find the big ice wall.

But eventually I came around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jradio610
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Schools today are serious about keeping sickness away. They even sent the espresso home today.

Because it was a little coffee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStateOfMantana
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vignesh_shankar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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An man at a bar didn’t want his wife to know he was out all night. But he was so drunk he couldn’t even stand and had to crawl all the way back home on all fours.

He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said β€œWhy were you out all night?” He said β€œHow did you find out?”

She said β€œThe bar called. They said you left your wheelchair again”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeGoHungaBunga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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Why is my stud finder constantly going off even when it isn't touching the wall?

Oh wait... I'm holding it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndisa44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...

I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OranMilne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...

So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.

"What this, Ed?"

"A line?" the boy replied.

"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alkaath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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If you add an "s" to the word "even",

it becomes odd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Comanch3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.

When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLT5000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making β€œFriends” references.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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Johnny Depp has lost his case against The Sun newspaper even with evidences

Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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We had a party for our office supplies today. We even invited the invisible ink.

It didn't show up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?

Plastic surgery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Even though Spongebob is the main character, Patrick is the star.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theboppops
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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Once I was so dehydrated, I couldn’t even remember all the letters in the English alphabet.

I went ABCDEFG and then PQRSTUVWXYZ. I was missing H to O.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.

And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skullchin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.

Did he ride it? No. It wooden start

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Didn't even leave the first.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nahianuzumaki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, β€œyour not even listening to me.”

I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimLegend5331
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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A priest was getting very annoyed with his young parishioners during dinner time and said if they continued misbehaving even the cutlery would be punished.

One boy said to another: "What? the fork in hell?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Can't even what..? Finish the sentence...!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deb_Eternity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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It's amazing..to use the fridge at my work, you don't even need an appointment!

It's a Walk-In!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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My business is on the verge of bankcruptcy even though I am doing everything right.

It doesn't make any cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Puns about the body are usually corny. But puns about the eyes are even
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wizitushkid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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The quality of education is so poor today that some people don't even know the difference between a checklist and a ticklist!

Checklist: a tool for ensuring coverage of a subject can be completed with a check mark of some form, for instance, a cross, a tick, etc.

Ticklist: someone who is tickling you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjoojjoojj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Extremely unique puns - even the shirt is a pun youtu.be/dSoPYdphtzk
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.

Son: Where are you in the photo?

Dad: That's me in the corner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-ay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Why did the boy fail his license test even though he took driver's ed?

It was a crash course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitaefinem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Remember the good old days, before the pandemic? It used to be you could meet new people, maybe even fall in love and get married.

Now I’m just dating myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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How do you know the work week will get even crazier after Monday and Tuesday?

Because all that's left is WTF.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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I always wondered about the fight between Dio and Jotaro. Even though Dio had trained for months before facing him, Jotaro still destroyed him in the end

Ig he really didn't stand a chance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverStoneX1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I hear Dubai don't even air "The Flintstones"

But Abu Dhabi do!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vrphotosguy55
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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It was so hot & humid, even the bee's perm became unmanageable...

...now she's a frizzbee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...

Urine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buschman98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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I'm determined to walk with my wife across the second largest state in the USA, even if she wants to walk across the largest.

Regardless if it Texas along time, Alaska.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zippysausage
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.

Yet, I just fit a bus in here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Once I was so broke I couldn't even pay the electricity bill.

Those were dark days.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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