A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
When Billy Joel's house burned down, the fire marshal blamed a faulty gaming console...
However, Mr Joel remains steadfast that Wii didn't start the fire.
I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs
It’s a step by step guide
As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused, I stared up at him and he sneered back.
And I thought to myself, "Well that's a little condescending."
I saw my maths teacher walking down the corridor holding some graph paper
I think he's plotting something
A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said,
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar. They sit down and order their drinks, the bartender asks "What are your blood types?" The priest says "A," the minister says, "AB+" and the rabbit says
"I think I might be a typo".
When you're down by the sea, and an eel bites your knee
I was walking down the street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
Sometimes, I go down to the hardware store and cut the end off of a wooden plank.
I saw a man drop a box of Italian pastries while walking down the street
I cannoli imagine how he was feeling
Did you hear about the scientist whose pants kept falling down?
He won the no belt prize.
"Son, you almost hurt yourself and burned the house down. You should know not to take apart an outlet and play with it. Because of that..."
"You are grounded until your current conduct improves."
You should never roll a pair of CD’s down a hill and see which one reaches the bottom first.
Sally can't sell seashells down by the seashore anymore...
She was busted for conch-traband.
Some chickens moved in down the road
There’s been a real eggscalation in gang violence, it’s no yolk.
Did you hear about the tennis equipment factory that was shut down after getting too many noise complaints?
While driving down the road, two robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were pirates of the car I be in.
Why was the fisherman caught in the middle of a stream with his pants down?
He couldn't tie his own fly.
I learned how to cut down trees with the past tense.
First you see it, then you saw it.
How does the author of the Harry Potter series get down a hill?
What was left when the cheese factory burned down?
Did you hear about the Kelloggs factory that burned down?
They're calling it cereal arson.
My dad used to roll me down the hill in a tire
My wife is mad at me for never putting down the toilet seat.
To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of carrying it around.
I remember the day the candle shop burned down…
Everybody just stood around and sang Happy Birthday
What happened to the frog's car when it broke down?
I saw Harry Styles walking down the street
But he was zigging and zagging, stumbling all around. So I asked him "What's wrong Harry Styles?" He replied "Don't worry darling, I'm not going One Direction anymore."
Driving down the road I saw my Ex...
It's funny how, "I'd hit that" has changed over the years.
I cut my entire lawn except for a single strip down the middle.
What happened to the lumberjack who didn't know what to do with the tree he cut down
A plane was going down over the Atlantic Ocean
As the flames from the engines grew bigger and the plane started its descent towards the water, the passengers became more and more terrified.
One woman stands up and says “I can’t die like this! I need a man to make me feel like a real woman one last time before I die!”
A lone male passenger stands up, rips off his shirt and answers her call “HERE!” he says “IRON THIS!”
What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What does the frog do when his car breaks down?
A guy goes to visit his cousin in Texas. "Look at these here peaches, as big as Watermelons. Our dogs are as big as horses, everything's BIG in Texas!!!!!" "Excuse me, but where is the bathroom?" "Down the hall and to the left." The guy takes a wrong turn and falls in the pool. He yells....
The other day I saw a elderly nun crossing the street and as she was nearing the farther curb her feet became entangled and she tripped over skirts and fell down!
I ran over to see if I could help and saw as she was sitting there on the pavement, she had tears in her eyes…. Whether they were tears of pain or maybe embarrassment it was hard to tell, but she was either so angry or so ashamed that she was actually trying to rip the fabric that caused her to fall! But, she just couldn’t…
After all, bad habits ARE hard to break… 🤷🏻♂️
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Did you hear about the Zen Buddhist monk who murdered another monk before he could sit down?
a police officer was patrolling his route one day when he saw a man walking down the sidewalk with an elephant gun over his shoulder.
The cop stops the man, takes his gun away, and asks, "what the hell are you doing walking around downtown with an elephant gun!?"
The man replies, "keeping the elephants away, officer"
"But there's no elephants around here," says the cop.
"See?" The man retorted, "it works."
Did you hear about the bread factory burning down?
They say the business is toast.
If Thor was shrunken down with Pym Particles but Mjölnir stayed the same size, could he easily pick it up?
He could, but he’d be a “little Thor” afterwards.
Wife hit me with this one: she’s trying to get the baby down for a nap…
But she’s resisting a rest.
I was driving past a prison, and I saw a dwarf scaling down the prison wall. Confused, I stared up at him and he sneered back.
I thought to myself, "Well that's a little condescending."
Did you hear about the scientist whose pants kept falling down?
I wrote a book about falling down the stairs
It's a step by step guide
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