Our Tea Company only allows men in the quality control department. It is a requirement,

...Two Testis.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.

The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the prisons new creative writing department?

Prose and Cons

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeFittyy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.

No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigtuna_burger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were shopping for clothes at the department store when she asked, "Do you prefer boxers or briefs?"

I replied, "Depends."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mano_Trueno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...

They had to denominator.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrindoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a bunch of guys in the local department store, shouting β€œf#ck”, β€œb#ll&cks”, β€œw#nker”!

Then realised I was in the menswear section.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.

UNEEDCHEF

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?

LED Zeppelin.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When a department store santa loses his job does he get the sack?

Do human cannonballs get fired?

Do pirates get told to sling their hook's?

Do prostitutes get laid off?

Do trapeze artists get let go?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the most common disease in HR departments?

Staff infections.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst part of working for the department of unemployment?

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero_ben
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A status report from the department of justice
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The IT department is like a bra...

IT supports your most important assets.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?

They make a lot of money.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4llFather
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a survey in the cosmetics department...

...they were asking people to write a couple of their favorite smells on a scrap of paper and put it in a box.

I didn't really have a strong opinion, but I did put my two scents in.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was accused of taking soap making ingredients from the department store...

They're all lyes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The Geology Department at my school rocks
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRipp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.

And put Mariah Carey on the cover

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthogonius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
At the casino, what department did the vampire work in?

The Count Room

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.

Apparently he’s a con artist.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.

I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheapojoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer who won an award from the U.S. Department of Agriculture?

He was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorScherzando
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My French roommate doesn't know anything about the department store John Lewis

She's most likely used to Jean Louis

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/felixsaurus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the Gotham Police Department refuse to eat another Greek sandwich?

Because it's the gyro Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThanHowWhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Department Head in my office: The new printer is making funny noises.

Me (Tech Support): Did you laugh?

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LimpN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I work in the appliance department at a large retailer and we were working on a truck delivery.

On one of our pallettes was a 12" sub that was meant for the car electronics department.

I look to my co-workers and say "Maybe we should refrigerate it.".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
After seeing my girlfriend in the shoe department...

"So, this is where you do your sole searching."

πŸ‘︎ 429
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harasoluka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What is the favorite sauce in a shipping department for a calendar company?

Hollandaise Sauce!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Two students walk into a chemistry department lunch. One student orders H20. The other says, "I'll have H2O, too." The second student dies.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you contact the fire department?

call the hotline.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I phoned up the place where I'd applied for a job at. I said, "I'm looking for Jane Wilkinson. The manager of the department."

She said, "Speaking...?"

I said, "English."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?

If you pee something, pay something.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fubo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I just got a job working in the apparel department for Target!

My friends tell me that it suits me well.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firehaven38
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Welcome to the accounting department...

...where everybody counts.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
🚨︎ report
So I walked into the Parks department of Rivendell...

and there he was in all his glory: Elrond Swanson

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
🚨︎ report
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

And the clerk just seems to ignore him.

Finally, the guy storms off in anger.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I bet the Department of Defense gives the low-quality rations to submarines.

After all, they're sub-optimal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
🚨︎ report
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.

UNEEDCHEF

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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