Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
π︎ 160
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.
No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.
π︎ 87
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My wife and I were shopping for clothes at the department store when she asked, "Do you prefer boxers or briefs?"
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 31 2020
A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Saw a bunch of guys in the local department store, shouting βf#ckβ, βb#ll&cksβ, βw#nkerβ!
Then realised I was in the menswear section.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
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︎ Oct 10 2020
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 11 2020
What's the most common disease in HR departments?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 29 2020
When a department store santa loses his job does he get the sack?
Do human cannonballs get fired?
Do pirates get told to sling their hook's?
Do prostitutes get laid off?
Do trapeze artists get let go?
π︎ 5
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︎ May 28 2020
Whatβs the worst part of working for the department of unemployment?
When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
π︎ 218
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︎ Dec 13 2019
A status report from the department of justice
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 19 2019
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.
>!They had coroner-virus.
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 13 2020
The IT department is like a bra...
IT supports your most important assets.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 24 2019
Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?
They make a lot of money.
π︎ 58
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︎ Jul 25 2019
There was a survey in the cosmetics department...
...they were asking people to write a couple of their favorite smells on a scrap of paper and put it in a box.
I didn't really have a strong opinion, but I did put my two scents in.
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 05 2020
I was accused of taking soap making ingredients from the department store...
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 16 2020
The Geology Department at my school rocks
π︎ 23
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︎ Apr 04 2019
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.
And put Mariah Carey on the cover
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 01 2019
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 30 2019
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...
"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"
https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 27 2019
At the casino, what department did the vampire work in?
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 25 2019
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.
Apparently heβs a con artist.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 13 2019
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.
I guess she isnβt into the kinky stuff.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 20 2019
I couldnβt believe the highway department called my dad a thief.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 09 2019
Did you hear about the farmer who won an award from the U.S. Department of Agriculture?
He was outstanding in his field.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 06 2019
My French roommate doesn't know anything about the department store John Lewis
She's most likely used to Jean Louis
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 05 2019
Department Head in my office: The new printer is making funny noises.
Me (Tech Support): Did you laugh?
π︎ 32
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︎ Aug 27 2018
I work in the appliance department at a large retailer and we were working on a truck delivery.
On one of our pallettes was a 12" sub that was meant for the car electronics department.
I look to my co-workers and say "Maybe we should refrigerate it.".
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 11 2019
Why does the Gotham Police Department refuse to eat another Greek sandwich?
Because it's the gyro Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 15 2016
What is the favorite sauce in a shipping department for a calendar company?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 09 2018
After seeing my girlfriend in the shoe department...
"So, this is where you do your sole searching."
π︎ 426
π
︎ Jan 03 2015
Two students walk into a chemistry department lunch. One student orders H20. The other says, "I'll have H2O, too." The second student dies.
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 29 2017
How do you contact the fire department?
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 26 2018
I phoned up the place where I'd applied for a job at. I said, "I'm looking for Jane Wilkinson. The manager of the department."
She said, "Speaking...?"
I said, "English."
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 04 2018
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 02 2017
I just got a job working in the apparel department for Target!
My friends tell me that it suits me well.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 26 2017
Welcome to the accounting department...
...where everybody counts.
π︎ 24
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︎ Nov 05 2016
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy storms off in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 29 2016
So I walked into the Parks department of Rivendell...
and there he was in all his glory: Elrond Swanson
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 14 2017
I bet the Department of Defense gives the low-quality rations to submarines.
After all, they're sub-optimal.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 30 2017
I work in the dairy department at a local grocery store in my town and my dad is a Spanish professor
Maybe Soy Milk is just plain milk introducing it self in Spanish. Yo soy milk
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 18 2015
Went clothes shopping with my dad. He followed me around the whole department asking if he "looks fat" in various items.
π︎ 11
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︎ Oct 28 2013
Someone in the Toyota marketing department is a Dad
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/25/98/f9/2598f9702cdbe6a406589c37a3e60847.jpg
Came to make my own joke, but saw that I was beaten to the punch
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 14 2015
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 17 2019
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