The secret behind a dad joke is in the delivery
Is what the mailman keeps telling my son.
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Why was the delivery driver forced to wear glasses?
Because everyone wanted contact-less delivery.
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︎ Feb 04 2021
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!
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︎ Jan 05 2021
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out โcanโtโ, โwonโtโ, โshouldnโtโ, โcouldnโtโ.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
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︎ Nov 27 2020
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, โnow my package isnโt coming for another 5 days!โ
I replied, now you know how I feel.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
Did you hear that the Indian restaurant hired a new delivery guy?
Heโs a top-notch curry-er.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
The delivery guy threw my pizza at me.
Apparently I ordered uber yeets
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︎ Oct 30 2020
The doctor told me I probably wonโt be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
Iโm a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....โlooks like you have the best jobโ he says, โwhy is that?โ I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
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︎ Aug 06 2020
How does Harry Potter makeout with the delivery lady?
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︎ Aug 20 2020
The delivery guy accidentally got us 3 extra bags of flour
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︎ Aug 20 2020
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
What did the ninja delivery boy say to the office manager when he was delivering an unexpected order of pens, pencils, and paper goods?
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Ever since the pandemic started, Iโve been wondering why my food delivery drivers have all been wearing glasses.
I had forgotten that contactless delivery was required.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Pregnancy puns, it's all about the delivery...
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︎ May 08 2020
Did you know that Matthew McConaughey helped design the delivery route software for UPS?
Thereโs no left turns so itโs alright alright alright.
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︎ Jul 05 2020
Birth control should be the actual name used for delivery
๐︎ 4
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︎ May 06 2020
Our grocery delivery driver told us one of the milk cartons got damaged and leaked into the bag.
My 15yr old son picked up the first bag, which had a long vegetable sticking out and said "I've found the leek, dad."
Proud dad moment.
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him โHow come thereโs no charge?โ
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Liveryโ
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︎ Mar 13 2020
Buddy collided with a delivery truck - he got stabbed with the antenna.. Diagnosis?
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︎ May 01 2020
The grocery delivery guy keeps wearing a mask and always stands 2 feet away from me...
I think I need to shower.
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︎ Apr 01 2020
My diabetic son's insulin delivery kit just came in the mail
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︎ Nov 09 2019
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
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︎ Jan 06 2019
In the delivery room, doctor asks dad to cut the cord.
Dad looks at his newborn and says, "You heard the doc, you've got 30 days to find a job and move out."
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︎ Sep 18 2019
What is the delivery man's favorite kind of music?
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︎ Jul 18 2019
A delivery boy was carrying a heavy load to the prosthetics factory..
.. an employee offered to lend him a hand
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︎ Jul 25 2019
I was standing outside in my driveway last night and the newspaper delivery guy drove by and threw a newspaper in my driveway...
I said "Hey pal, I got news for you, too!".
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︎ Jun 06 2019
[At the delivery room] Me: Youโre doing great, honey! Keep pushing! I can see a head!
Nurse: Sir, I think you are on the wrong end.
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︎ May 06 2019
What do you call it when the Incredibles get delivery?
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︎ May 03 2019
OK here goes: who is the Voodoo god of delivery drivers?
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︎ Feb 13 2019
I just got my wife with this one in the delivery room
My wife has been in labour for about 18 hours and was at 8-9cm of dilation when the nurse last checked.
The nurse said that she'll wait another half hour before checking again and then hopefully she can start pushing. My wife said "sure, what's another half hour?"
I said "30 minutes."
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︎ Sep 10 2017
I work in the appliance department at a large retailer and we were working on a truck delivery.
On one of our pallettes was a 12" sub that was meant for the car electronics department.
I look to my co-workers and say "Maybe we should refrigerate it.".
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︎ Jan 11 2019
What did the pizza delivery leprechaun say when he accidentally bumped into the front door?
๐︎ 20
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︎ Nov 17 2017
I was in the delivery room with my wife when I tried my best to tell a hilarious dad joke. It wasn't well-accepted, and I realized...
I failed to read the womb
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︎ Aug 25 2018
Didja hear about the brewer who put off his deliveries to go to a vineyard?
He was sittin' on the bock of the day, tastin' wine.
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︎ Aug 03 2018
A man is in the delivery room with his wife, who has just gave birth
The baby cries, and overcome by his emotions on entering fatherhood, the man cries as well. The midwife asks "Are you ok?". He slowly turns around, a tear in his eye and says "No, I'm Dad."
(also posted in r/jokes)
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︎ Aug 25 2016
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︎ Jun 07 2016
Why is the delivery service called UPS?
It's the sound they make when they drop your fragile package.
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︎ Feb 21 2018
Ppl ask why dad jokes are so funny, I tell them it's all about the delivery
Which is why the Dr with no arms couldn't work with pregnant women
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︎ Nov 29 2017
Did you hear about the emergency baby delivery in the White House bakery?
That kid's American, born in bread.
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︎ Aug 19 2017
My wife said she got a job at the hospital, but recently she let slip she's working in labor and delivery....do you think she's cheating on me?
How should I confront her about this?
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︎ Mar 05 2015
Delivery in the office
So, workers at our office occasionally have their packages shipped to our work place. I think it's so that they have someone to sign off on them, or for security reasons. Either way, there were a couple IKEA packages dropped off today, and one of the admins wrote:
"We received 2 large IKEA boxes today. They do not have name on them. They are in the main hall near the front entry. Please pick up at your convenience. Please let me know who they belong to."
to which I replied all (bold, I know):
"Well I have no... IKEA."
(i'm only 24, going on 25. with no plan of kids for years, but i hope i did you guys proud)
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︎ Jan 28 2014
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