I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?
There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
I told my dad that I always felt a deep sense of foreboding when we drive on the bridge over the canal
He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."
If humans were trees, how deep would the roots be ?
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: oh no, not my brother, what an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
The joke is pretty deep....
I heard that the underwater financial department is tanking. They started using the loan sharks.
John Cena emerges from a deep slumber only to find he has wound up in the hospital.
JC: where am I?
Nurse: ICU.
JC: No you can’t.
What reality show is popular on the holodeck of Deep Space Nine?
Keeping up with the Cardassians!
Deep in the villain’s super secret base
Deep in the villain’s super secret base, he noticed that his 10” concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.
His minions replied, “We’ve tried everywhere, but we’ve been unable to find a sketchy artist.”
I went swimming today and took a pee in the deep end
The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in
When I was at the pool yesterday, I began peeing in the deep end
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I almost fell in
How deep would the ocean be...
If it didn't have sponges
Have you heard the one about the really deep hole in the ground?
Why do deep sea divers fall backward from a boat when entering the water?
If they went forward they'd end up back in the boat.
I saw a sign at a roadside stand that read, ''Lobster Tails £1.5" so I stopped the car, walked over and handed my money to the proprietor. He looked me in the eyes, took a deep breath and said...
"Once upon a time there was this
lobster..."
What do you call the gland in your throat responsible for deep thinking?
What does a frog say when you ask how deep the water is?
What did Goliath do, after David slung a stone deep into the giants forehead?
Trump is convinced that pigeons are part of the Deep State...
He overheard one saying, "coup, coup".
Digging deep into the database
I was naturally excited to have stumbled upon this sub, the goldmine of dadjokes. Couldn’t wait to use one of it...so one day while I was browsing, my son asked what was I reading? I took a deep breath of absolute euphoria and satisfaction, grinned widely and said, “They r/dadjokes.”
The son said, “What’s slash dad jokes?”
Kids, right!
Dad struggles to tread water in the deep end
I remember an era when the temperature was always nice in summer; but we had deep snowfall in winter...
It was the best of climes; it was the worst of climes.
The Key To Job Searching Is Looking Deep Within Yourself.
It’s all about the inner view.
Two Greek people had a poetry contest. One of them wrote an excellent poem conveying deep emotions. The other person's poem is just one-character long. In the end, the short poem won
How deep is the pond frogs swim in?
When you're out in the deep,
And something bites your feet, that's a Moray.
My wife said I needed to go to the hospital after getting a deep cut. I refused.
What’s the emotion called when a vampire has a deep feeling or anxiety about biting someone?
What Do Internet Guides Do When They Show You Around The Deep Web?
If your computer won't stop playing rolling in the deep it's probably a Dell.
Did you hear about the blind man who fell in a deep hole full of water?
Apparently he didn't see that well.
I thought I would start a deep colors business, but then I realized the market was pretty saturated.
I know on the outside I look competent, but deep down I have a debilitating fear that I'm actually in a bowl of spaghetti…
I guess you could say I have In-pasta Syndrome...
Son, I gotta tell ya, I've done some deep thinking and I've realized it's high time I quit my job and finally pursue my dream. I'm going to open a museum that commemorates the extensive and fascinating history of beverages.
I'm calling it The Gluggenheim
The movie Finding Nemo is actually really deep
You know, because it's in the ocean and all.
Showed my Dad the pic making fun of Rihanna's deep Birthday Cake lyrics. This was his response.
I texted the picture making fun of Rihanna's Birthday cake lyrics from /r/funny and he responded:
"Cake can be deep, depending on how many layers."
Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end.
Lifeguard noticed. Blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in.
A single woman who was 3 months pregnant fell into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awoke and asked the doctor about her baby...
Doctor: "You had twins! A boy and a girl and they are both fine. We let the brother name them both for you"
Mother: "Oh shit, he's an idiot! What did he name my baby girl?"
Doctor: "Denise."
Mother: "Oh.. That's not too bad. What is my sons name?"
Doctor: "Denephew"
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