Craft beverages are really taking off, I guess.
By drawing Lots.
We don't talk about Uno
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
He is a ware wolf!
It was called He-Brew.
It's pretty nuts.
It's pretty nuts
His opinion was suede
My mouth writes Czechs that my body can't cache.
It was the highlight of my whole day, actually.
Found this one on /r/comics
http://www.cheerupemokid.com/comic/closet
A Frito-Lay.
Pretty nuts.
I like to make my presents felt.
Shoutout to u/TomrummetsKald for the original post that gained so much traction. This is my take on that joke if it was told by the late, great Norm MacDonald. Feel free to read in a voice that reminds you of moths or professors of logic.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The nurse says to the rabbit, “Oh, what makes you want to give blood today, rabbit?” And the rabbit begins to explain.
“Oh, nurse, it was such a long journey to get here. You see, I was very sickly as a child. I had a rare anemia of the blood that has been passed down through my family across the generations. There was little that the doctors could do. But then, one day, my older brother died in a horrible, fiery crash, and I was too weak to give him the blood that could have saved his life.
“I became terribly distraught and sought out the counsel of our family priest, who told me the best way to get over my guilt and my shame was to become strong and physically conditioned so that one day even I, with my rare anemia of the blood, could give the blood that could not save my brother, but could save other rabbits.
“So with the priest by my side, I trained for years, until one day a doctor cleared me to safely give blood. I was so proud, and I knew my brother would not die in vain.
“But when I arrived at the blood bank, to my *shock* and *horror,* I remembered my other brother who died of a heroin overdose, and it awakened in me a deep-seated phobia of needles!
“Fortunately, our family priest knew of a minister who specialized in helping rabbits overcome deep-seated phobias. (There’s an obscure seminary in Wyoming that teaches the craft.) It was another long and hard road, filled with many sleepless nights, but he helped me build my spirit as strong as my body, until one day I found that I was no longer afraid of needles!
“And so, I, a rabbit who has been through so much, invited the priest and the minister to accompany me to the blood bank today, to share in this great moment in which I am finally able to give blood in honor of my dear, deceased brothers.”
When the rabbit finished his story, the nurse was quite moved.
“My goodness, that is quite an inspirational story, rabbit. And how good it is that you, the priest and the minister, were able to accompany th
... keep reading on reddit ➡is a mitten knit.
Why, Sir Cumference of course!
When asked how he makes such wonderful products for his customers, he replied, “It’s very costly. For each order, I have to devote my life to mastering the craft and sacrifice the freedom to do anything else I want in my career.”
That is how I came to understand that the tailor gives his life and liberty per suit of happiness.
A glue 10 free coupon
A friend of mine has this great idea for a small business selling collectables, so he goes into a bank and walks up to the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan for a small business venture."
Patty looks in disbelief as she realizes this voice is coming from a dog. But being professional she clears her throat and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The dog says $500,000. And proceeds to fill out the loan paperwork.
Patty, the teller, reviews the paperwork and notices his name and is a little star struck as it reads: Buddy Mick Jagger. Feeling embarrassed, but curious, Patty asks if there is any relation to THE Mick Jagger?
The dog sighs and says, yes, Mick is his father, adopted, but his father nonetheless.
Patty explains that $500,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need something to act to secure such a large loan.
The dog says, "Yes ma'am. I have several sets of these" and shows her a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly shaped. He then produces more and more of these small porcelain animals all hand crafted and painted various colors. While trying to explain these collectables are what he hopes to sell Patty becomes very confused and thinks up a quick excuse:
"Well, for such a large loan and unusual collateral I will have to consult the branch manager."
Ms Whack finds the manager and says "There's a talking dog named Buddy Mick Jagger out here who claims to be a relation to Mick Jagger and wants a loan for $500,000. And as collateral he wants to use this?" She then holds up the small porcelain elephant. "I mean, what even is this? Is it valuable?"
The bank manager stands up, blinks a few times, looks her straight in the eye with a large smile and says: "Oh! That's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the dog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
(My grandpa would tell this joke at family gatherings to all of us grandkids, we would only ever get small parts of it at a time, but the rest of the adults would always groan at the end. Wasn't till many years later I realized this was a pretty common long haul joke! Still a good memory, hopefully it have you a chuckle!)
it was gluesome.
It's un-de-weave-able!
".. I'm keeping my eye on you."
I freaking love that guy.
Hey guys! I need help coming up with a really great, punny name for my resin art shop. I sell jars, rolling trays, self defense stabbies, and have plans for many more decorative and useful items to be added soon. The only one I could think of that I don't hate is Gnome Depot. But that doesn't really fit very well with resin art/crafts. Any suggestions are appreciated!
Puns for Educated Minds ...
-
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
-
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
-
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
-
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
-
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
-
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
-
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
-
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
-
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.. The police are looking into it.
-
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
-
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
-
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
-
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
-
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
-
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23.. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
-
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
-
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
He won all races by a very big margin but was stripped of all his medals ...
'coz he was a Cheetah! He should not have been in the human olympics anyway!!
- My sons and I came up with this on the way to school this morning. Its probably corny and old but we enjoyed crafting it :D
I Loved the Craft that went into it!
I just really feel the need to elevate my craft.
Few people realize the reflective quality in cat eyes increases proportionately with the size of the cat. Because of this, cats in the Savanna are hunted for their eyes to use in various crafts and remedies. When game wardens are searching for poachers, they do it at night, following the glow of the removed organs. The Eagles even referenced it in a song, hence the line "you can't hide your lion eyes".
He was in the wrong craft.
so I crafted a large numeral in the back garden. I chopped, sawed, planed, sanded, and painted that number till it looked amazing. My neighbour looked over the fence and enviously stated “Nice one!”
We got our daughter a craft table for her 11th Birthday this past weekend. She also got the sewing machine too.
With gratitude, she smiles and says with a wink, “That is sew cool”.
Craft Singles?
My daughter said the joke was cheesy and not very Gouda. :(
Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
It's pretty nuts
Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
...it was pretty nuts.
But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
-
The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
-
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
-
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
-
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
-
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
-
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
-
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
-
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
-
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
-
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
-
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.
-
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.
-
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-
A backward poet writes inverse.
-
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
-
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
-
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
-
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
-
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!
-
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
-
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.
-
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
-
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
He was in the wrong craft.
