Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
At a rest stop, the other day, a cop asked me why I was stroking the ground....
“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”
I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops.
He must be in some extreme mist group.
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
What did the cop say after opening Jeff Dahmer's refrigerator ?
"He really had a cool head."
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
I told the cop, “You can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.”
The cop said, “Sir, that’s not how you play the race card.”
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!
Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
I was going on an illegal half marathon yesterday and the cops caught me.
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
Why did the ear of corn call the cops?
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
My Daughter Fell Asleep in the Car And Someone Called the Cops
They told the cops that they had just witnessed a kid napping.
A cop ran into a drunk driver and asks the question “How high are you?”
The drunk driver responds: “No, its ‘Hi, how are you?’”
One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said “do you have a police record, sir?” I said:
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
You hear about the cop who got busted for driving while intoxicated?
He thought he was supposed to protect and swerve.
Guy gets pulled over for running a stop sign. He says to the cop “give me a break man, I slowed down.” The cop starts beating on the guy and says...
“So... do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?”
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
What did the cop turned invigilator say during an exam?
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says “Don’t you know when to stop?” The woman says...
The cops caught two fellas, one drinking battery acid and the other eating fireworks
One was charged, the other was let off
My mother called the cops on me because she heard I was dealing coke in the neighborhood
I tried to tell her multiple times that I was working for Pepsi, but she just wouldn't listen.
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
so i hear that cops are really good with the ladies
anytime one passes me on the road i just hear ‘em bragging about “we woo”.
What's the difference between a bad cop and a good cop?
A good cop wears a goodge.
Why did the cop arrest the duck?
Because peace was never an option.
P.S it was selling quack.
What did the cop say to his urologist when asked “what brings you in today?”
Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...
...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough
At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.
So now my in-laws are out-laws.
Despite curfews in place around the county, cops are out all night clubbing.
Are the cops in Minneapolis...
Why do the cops keep water in the trunk?
So that their siren does not die
Why did the cops mix slabs of sirloin into their suspect's marijuana cigarette?
They were staking out the joint.
A man is speeding down the road, so a cop pulls him over...
The cop says "Why weren't you braking back there?"
And the man replies "I'm wearing clean underwear."
The cop says "Why is that relevant?"
And the man says "Well, I don't wanna get any skidmarks."
A car battery was arrested by the cops for causing trouble at the bar
But they had to let him go, they couldn’t find anything to charge him with.
I just told him a terrible dadjoke and he called the cops on me...
...I was charged with assault with a dadly weapun.
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait. I can explain everything!
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
Why did the cop leave early
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!
Man: Wait, I can explain everything!
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