Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
I come up with a really lame two word gay joke the other day that i was afraid my gay mate might find offensive
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
What’s the best pun you can come up with the word “pelican” ?
A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."
What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.
Can someone come up with a pun for the name Candace?
I don't wanna go with 'Candace get any better', since she probably heard that a thousand times already. Thanks!
Can you guys help me come up with puns with the name Elle?
How did the French come up with the word for egg?
Someone accidentally dropped one!
I called my friend to tell him about my big promotion and how it comes with a lot of new responsibilities now that I'm running the business. He asked what my new job was and how I was holding up.
I told him "I'm generally managing"
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"
How did the Canadian’s come up with the name “Canada”?
There was a bunch of Canadians sitting around the table and one guy suggested they start naming letters their country name should contain.
One person said “C, eh?”
A second person said “N, eh?”
A third person said “D, eh?”
A sheepdog tells the farmer he's going to round up the sheep and comes back with 50 sheep and the farmer says "We only have 48 sheep."
The dog replies "I said I was going to round them up,"
There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. Puzzled, the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?" The bull replies...
"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...
Any able to help come up with puns the include “price”?
Yo come up with the best bread puns and dont ask rye.
What does a cow make when the sun comes up?
This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"
Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company
The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON
I had a guy come up to me at the store the other day as I was browsing the candy section and proclaimed "I refuse to eat Werther's originals!" Confused, I asked "Why's that?"
Why can’t you stay up until the cows come home?
Because it’s pasture bedtime.
A friend of mine was discouraged that they couldn't come up with dad jokes. I told them anyone can make dad jokes, you just have to stretch out the thought process a little father.
I tried to explain to my kids why the ball comes back down when they throw it up
But they don't understand the gravity of the situation
The neighborhood dogs always come up to the tree in my backyard.
I’ve come up with a new name for the Untitled Goose Game.
I was eating at a restaurant and a waiter comes up to me and asks: "How did I find the steak?"
I told him I looked underneath the parsley.
Dad and daughter come into the restaurant I work at. He was crackin me up the whole time.
They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.
Dad: How do you pronounce that one?
Me: Falafel?
Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..
Daughter: (Face palm)
.
EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.
.
and again..
.
Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.
Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.
Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)
Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)
Studying Spanish and these are the puns I've come up with so far.
English and Spanish.
The Trump administration is making a game out of getting Latinos out of the country, they call it deporte.
Spanish heathens have to pay extra to preforn their ceremonies. Pagan rituals
What sci-fi weapon does the King of Spain prefer? A rey-gun!
Do you know how many times anyone had to tell me how to say 'eleven' in Spanish? Once.
Exclusivamente en español (Perdón por errores gramaticales)
Qué comida es el mas mojado? El agua-cate
Cual comida no puede decir una mentira? La verdadura
Como se llama un libro sobra la revolución? Libre!
Qué es exactamente una mejor que Beyonce? Beydoce
Cual animal siempre tiene un novio o novia? El Parejaro.
Cual comida es el menos diverido? Aburrito.
Sobre que papel de pelicula de Madonna no le quiere hablar? Evita!
Quiero que me digáis mas. Nunca tengo suficiente bromas!
If Einstein hadn't come up with the Theory of Relativity, someone else would have. It was only a matter of time.
I can't come up with a witty title and I don't wanna ruin the joke, so just look at the goddamned picture
I'm going to get a job as a valet attendant, come dressed up as Spider-Man, and introduce myself as "Peter the Parker"
So my son comes up to me the other day and says "Dad you know 2 things that never get old?"
Dark humor and anti-vax kids
People get so heated up about whether the milk comes first in tea or cereal
Personally i prefer that the tea comes first, then the milk, and then the cereal.
Astronomers got tired of waiting for the sun to come back up...
The decided to call it a night
What do you call a scam where folks who engage in wordplay invite others to engage in wordplay, and folks who were there longer get credit for what the newer folks come up with?
That would be a punzi scheme.
I asked my girlfriend to come to the gym with me and she didn’t turn up
I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out
I was wondering why the sun hadn't come up yet
The scientist who comes up with the perfect diet plan to lose weight
Should win the Nobelly Prize.
I think my dad comes up with his best material early in the morning.
imgur.com/a1mfKTn
The things I come up with in calculus
What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up?
What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up?
How did they come up with the spelling for ‘Canada’ ?
So there was a C eh, and a N eh and then a D eh
What does a cow make when the sun comes up
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