I have a strong friendship with the starting quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs

He's Mahomes

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2023
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Mantra of the Kansas City Chiefs' defensive line

The Bucs Stop Here!

Edit: thank you for alerting me it's "bucs" not "bucks". My dad experience (4 months) is better than my football knowledge

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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Ve are the master chiefs

What do you call the perfect German soldiers?

Veteran-arians

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elonzalor
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.

Guess you could say that it was a close shave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomgz0mbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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Why did the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff cross the road?

They were just following the chicken!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Do you know why the Kansas City Chiefs' gameplan has been figured out?

It's because they're a one-Tyreek pony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardArschmann
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
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The chief of police just said that someone has stolen all their toilets.

They are looking into it, but right now, they have nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krown_spartan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2022
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Takoda is just named chief of the northern Nyuktuk Tribe

One of the natives asks him if it's going to be a cold winter. Takoda, being a new chief, doesn't know the tricks of determining the weather from the animals, clouds, trees, etc. but he also doesn't want to look naive so he says "yes I think it's going to be cold, so gather some wood." The townspeople thus head out to get wood.

When all the townspeople leave, the chief calls the weather station and asks if it's going to be a cold winter in Nyuktuk. The guy at the weather office says "hold on a second." He comes back and says "yes it appears like it will be a cold winter."

When the townspeople come back Takoda says to them "it's going to be a colder weather than I first thought. Go gather more wood."

So the townspeople head out to get more wood. But the chief is still not sure. So he calls back the weather station and asks if they are sure. The weatherman says "one second" then comes back on and says "it's definitely going to be a cold winter." So when the townspeople return, Chief Takoda tells them to go out and gather all the wood they can find.

But after they all the townspeople leave, the chief is still not sold. So he calls the weather station and asks if they are sure it's going to be cold in Nyuktuk. The weatherman says that not only will it be cold but it likely will be one of the coldest winters on record. "But how do you know?" the chief asks. The weatherman says "because the Indians are gathering wood like crazy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Budget-Pay3743
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2022
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What does Captain Kirk say to his chief engineer at the beach?

Cream me up Scotty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeorgeLucas97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2022
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What do you call the Chief of Police ?

Cop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/padfootforHP
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Chief Executive of a farm?

The CIEIO.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanielBWeston
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2022
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

JosΓ© & JosB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eagleboy444
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2022
🚨︎ report
TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.

And import.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently Ottawa's police chief was fired for failing to quell the protests.

I guess he reacted too Sloly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LandscapeStreet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
🚨︎ report
What does the chief call his wife when she's being naughty?

Mischief!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itchypeanutsog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2021
🚨︎ report
After Orville and Wilbur’s first horrific and fatal plane-accident leaving their remains scattered on the tarmac, the chief medical examiner approaching what was left of them simply asked:

β€œAre you all Wright?!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fadedmemento
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
The cops raided a poetry reading last night. On the news, the police chief said they were there to

Busta Rhymes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trinitymaster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2021
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BREAKING NEWS: A man has been stealing the wheels off of the local police cars.

Police have been working tirelessly to catch him while the Chief has decided to retire.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2022
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Black hole got a job in a factory...he is now the chief...

Shredder there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2021
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What do you call the police chief’s wife?

Mischief

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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What do you call the chief of an ancient Amazonian tribe?

Amazon Prime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaimesBond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The chief roadie for a touring band should be called its Gigs Bosun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spelelo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Why did the fruits invite the mushroom as chief guest for their party?

Cause he seemed like a "fun-gi"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginks_21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
So the Pope is SUPER early for his flight.

He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.

Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."

Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."

Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"

Cop: "More important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"

Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doomboyo44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?

"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A Viking explorer came home to find his name removed from the town register. When his wife complained, the chief apologized and said,

β€œI must have taken Lief off my census”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A plane carrying the US Women’s Track team crashes near a village of cannibals.

They are quickly captured and a great feast is prepared. The first course is the all time medals leader and the chief says β€œOh, Alyson Felix, so well seasoned.” The second course follows with the 400 hurdles world record holder and the chief says β€œSydney McLaughlin, delicious!” But when the 800 meter champion is served for the third course, the chief says β€œOh no, thank you. I’m stuffed. I couldn’t possibly eat Athing Mu.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoneOfThisIsFine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
🚨︎ report
In a galaxy far far away....

Once upon a time an astronaut landed on an alien world. The world was full of trees and plants and wildlife. But one species in particular caught his eye. Short and round with huge feet, they were kind. They sang songs all day, drank, and made merry. After observing them from afar for many days, the astronaut decided to approach them and make first contact. Upon speaking to them, he found that they called themselves the Jibbles.

The astronaut lived amongst the Jibbles for many years and found that they used a unique series of toe rings as currency.Β  Unable to pronounce their word for the currency, he called them ToeKins, chuckling to himself at his pun.

As the years went by, the astronaut learned of a war-like race of Jibbles. They came to his village and raided their supplies. They beat up several of the sweet Jibbles, and they threatened the astronaut. Months of this had the sweet Jibbles exhausted, and the astronaut hatched a plan.

Taking all the gear from his spaceship, he snuck away to the mean Jibbles camp in the night. He met with their leader and offered him his wealth in order to buy a peace between their villages. Seeing the array of technology the astronaut had brought, the chief agreed to his terms. The astronaut asked for a sign of good faith he could show his village when he returned. So the chief removed one of his toe rings, took a knife, and sketched a crude picture of a jibble and the astronaut holding hands. This he gave to the astronaut.

Returning home, the astronaut declared that there was now peace amongst their villages! The Jibbles drank and made merry and everyone wanted to see the gift from the other tribe. Late that night, when everyone had gone to sleep drunk, the mean Jibbles snuck into camp and killed them all. Turning over the astronauts corpse, they found they couldn't remove the ring from his hand.

And that's why you shouldn't trust non-fun-Jibble-toekins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacAtack3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2022
🚨︎ report
The fire chief walks in on two firemen having sex

The chief yells, β€œwhat the hell are you guys doing”. The first fireman replies, β€œwhen I walked in he was out cold from the smoke”. The chief replies, β€œwhy didn’t you try mouth to mouth?” The second fireman looks back and yells, β€œhow do you think this started?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattyx201
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose-B

Source: "Everybody Loves Raymond"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/getkarthikmr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
🚨︎ report
In the US, it's now politically incorrect to say the chief politician is correct.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Truth9147
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
🚨︎ report
An amazing story from the highways of America

A truck driver walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You won't believe what happened to me today," he tells the bartender. "I lost control of the rig I was driving and plowed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. After I called and reported the damage I was just waiting on a tow truck when a turnpike crew truck pulls up discharges a bunch of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the toll booth wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than half an hour, they had the booth back together and looking as good as new." "That's amazing!" the bartender exclaims. "What the heck was the creamy stuff they were using?" "Well, I had no idea, so I went over and asked the crew chief," the trucker says. "He told me it was tollgate booth paste."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2022
🚨︎ report
There is no I in chef.

Unless you're the chief.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knight9910
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2022
🚨︎ report
A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia's chief export.

And import.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toorudez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
TIL: A few hundred years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.

And import.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican fire chief name his son

Jose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Hose A, and Hose B.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican fire chief name his twins?

JosΓ© and Hose-B

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1000Penguins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the Hispanic fire chief names his two sons?

Hose A and Hose B

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinhuge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
🚨︎ report

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