When I complained about the smell of the chemicals I had to use to color my hair, my dad said,

β€œLet me guess, you’re literally dyeing!”

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoneOfThisIsFine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2022
🚨︎ report
I hope all those firefighters from around the world that are rushing to help with Greek wildfires brought chemicals extinguishers and not just hoses

You never use water on a Greece fire.

πŸ‘︎ 223
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clay_Pigeon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the chemist tell the man who tried to steal his chemicals?

Bromine

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenixwarrior99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Na BrO

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_Wookiee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The government is using chemicals to control the people.

But not me; I'm a free radical.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJambus
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into the lab and stole some chemicals.

The chemicals argon

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_BlNG_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
🚨︎ report
At the store buying chemicals to kill ants

My mum was going through the products, and then turns to me and says, "How about we get ant sand?"

From the other aisle I hear my dad yell out "Ants and what?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Terran_it_up
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
🚨︎ report
What chemical has the molecular formula HIJKLMNO?

Water

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gcjunk01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2023
🚨︎ report
Leaving my job at the chemical factory

It’s a toxic workplace

πŸ‘︎ 469
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragon_M4st3r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
🚨︎ report
Is the chemical symbol for Silicon…

…the same in Spanish?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moorda
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2022
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend to tell me what the chemical formula for nitrogen monoxide was

He said NO

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orange-Ju1ce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2022
🚨︎ report
What was the chemical engineer arrested for?

A salt and battery.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutrinophile
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2022
🚨︎ report
The most gullible chemical element

Is easily lead.

πŸ‘︎ 217
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cherrytreeguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What chemical is released in your brain when you see something funny on the internet?

Dopameme

πŸ‘︎ 471
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarcastic-being
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm not sure if this is the correct sub to ask this, but does anyone here know the chemical formula for Nitrogen monoxide?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My laboratory co-worker asked how I spent last evening. My response was, "I studied the affect of aqua-thermal, chemical, and friction exposure to various ceramics, metals, and plastics in a constrained environment." She was duly impressed until, upon clarification, I explained...

"I washed the dishes with hot water under my wife's close supervision."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Which chemical element makes itself the most money?

Iron.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What chemical element is symbolized by the letters Ah?

The element of surprise!

πŸ‘︎ 335
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pandagami
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the difference between a chemical fire and an electrical fire?

With a fire distinguisher.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.

"All your base are belong to us"

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HiddenLayer5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The chemical symbol for Iron is Fe...

... and therefore Iron Man is a Fe Male
Happy International women's day

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBassMeister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
We tried catching the chemical thieves...

... but they were just too phosphorus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My son was doing his homework, when he asked me, β€œDad, what's the chemical formula for water?”

I said, β€œHIJKLMNO.”

He asked, β€œWhat're you talking about?!”

I responded, β€œWell, it’s H to O!”

πŸ‘︎ 349
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I worked security at a chemical plant. There had been a string of robberies at nearby chemical plants, and one night... lo and behold- we heard the alarm...

My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorus…

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
So that's why!

Me, emptying the dishwasher and mentioning the r/science story about chemicals in the powder causing gut inflammation.

Wife, reads the ingredients and says, "oh, it's made in Poland"

"Ah, so that's how it polishes the plates"

Wife and kid: audible groans and they just stare at me.

(It was over an hour ago and I'm still buzzing).

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seipounds
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2022
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the chemical composition of snow changes from "H2O" to "Ba" when it covers your car?

Because it barium

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Haze
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends tried to convince me I was a chemical element with the atomic number 82....

...Thankfully, I'm not so easily lead

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marmeladovsemyon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the chemical bond in minerals?

A gems bond

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zetafunction64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
if H2O is the chemical name for water, what is H2O4?

drinking!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gumbywithaY
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Yo bro, can you tell me the chemical symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Friend: NaBrO

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benjaminear3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the most dishonest chemical?

Lye

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Blah1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
The happiness chemical is the coolest one...

Or as the kids say, "dope I mean..."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lv_InSaNe_vL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
The hairdresser showed me a beautiful hair color and also warned me that the chemical is toxic.

I asked him to apply it anyways.

It's worth dyeing for.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says "I'll have some H2O".

The second scientist says "I'll have some water too. Wait... why did you say H2O? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all, but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally complicate things like that in a situation outside of work".

The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flopsychops
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil engineers build targets

Industrial Systems Engineers make plan B

Computer engineers make plan C

Chemical engineers make plan D

By the time the Aerospace engineers get involved to make plan E, things should start taking off

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2022
🚨︎ report
A chemical toilet truck was blocking the road today.

He was taking the piss.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellDysphoria
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Car won’t start

3 Engineers (1 chemical, 1 mechanical, 1 electrical) are carpooling with the IT guy from their firm. At the end of the day, the IT guy puts the key in, turns it, and … nothing …. The Mechanical Engineer saysβ€˜it’s the starter’, the Chemical Engineer says β€˜the electrolyte in the battery has gone bad’, the Electrical Engineer says β€˜probably a loose wire’. They begin arguing, and the IT guy says… β€˜Guys, just calm down, let’s all get out of the car, and then get back in’

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SevnDragoon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chemistry teachers at my school hated each other...

Two chemistry professors at my school hated each other. No one knows why the rivalry started, but it escalated from common pranks to elaborate traps using their knowledge of chemical reactions. After one particular prank resulted in the fire alarm being triggered, the dean had enough. He ordered the two to sit together in the lounge at lunch and spend their free periods in each other's classroom.

Over the school year, they began to get to know each other better and eventually became friends. They became god-parents to each other's children, attended their graduations, and even saw them married. After the two men retired, they continued to spend time together, they learned to make YouTube and TikTok videos about chemistry and even went golfing together. If they never hated each other enough to devise elaborate pranks, they never would have been forced to spend time together and eventually become friends connected by their love of chemistry.

It was an ironic bond.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtBrowncoat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
🚨︎ report
If H2O is water, what is H2O4?

Drinking.

Edit: to the people turning this into an β€œACKSHUALLY it’s hydroxyperoxide/tetraoxidane/non-existent chemical bind!” chemistry moment, just chill, it’s a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biorod
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer.

The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"

"Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2022
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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