The Chapters Puns

The Appopendox!

He thought, “Finally! I put A Dent in that book!”

I have a feeling that his end is afoot.

Because it's the PHENYL CHAPTER :D

Chapters is a book store up here in Canada. A checkout line just opened so we were the first in the line. After paying, the receipt was taking a while to print. The cashier remarked "it's the first printing" to which I replied "ooh those are normally worth more!"

The cashier didn't know what to say and my wife rolled her eyes so hard it looked like she was going to have a stroke.

I always include a dad joke on the schedule for my employees (which this sub helps out with when I can't think of one, thank you). Next Friday is my last day, and this is the last schedule I'm sending to them. We work in a bookstore, and my final, cringe inducing joke to them is:

After careful consideration, I've decided to leave my job at the bookstore. It's time to turn the page to a new chapter in my life

Pretty bad even by my standards, but it felt right.

The history of Canada, Chapter 1: The Beaver

national symbol of Canada and a "dam" fine hat

It's nowhere near finished, but the first chapter's on lime.

The first couple chapters were awful but by the end I️ loved it

This is just in the middle of a chapter and isn't even acknowledged by the surrounding passages. It's pretty baaad if you ask me. But really, thanks to this picture I will never forget what a shear transformation does.

Textbook is Linear Algebra and Its Applications by David C. Lay, since for some reason I feel like I should probably cite it.

So, I'm a Spanish professor, and I gave a final exam this morning. One of the last parts was that students had to write a paragraph using reflexive verbs in which they describe their daily routine. Since the class only had nine students in it, I told them that if they wanted to wait, I would grade their exams for them and tell them their class grade.

It was an open-book final exam (11 pages long), so I was in my office, and a graduating senior finished first and gave me her exam. When I got to her paragraph, I saw that she had written in Spanish that every day she woke up, got up, took a shower, got dressed, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then she and her friend Emmy went horseback riding. Now, I knew that she didn't go horseback riding, ever, but that it was vocabulary from the previous chapter. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Horseback riding? Really?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every day?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every single day?
Her: Sí, Señor.
Me: I guess you could call it a stable routine then.

My girlfriend and I were driving for a long while and under my coercion she was reading Dune to me. After the first chapter she grew rather tired of the amount of large words mixed in with made-up sci-fi words. She demanded that she be exempt from large words for the test of the day. I replied, "So I guess defenestration is out the window."

She hit me. A lot.

My chemistry teacher loves making puns at every chance she gets, so she always comes up with interesting names for the chapters we learn.

Ch 1 & 3: What's the matter? (The chapter was obviously about matter)

Ch 4: Speaking periodically (about the periodic table)

Ch 5 & 6: Bond, chemical bond (about chemical bonds)

Ch 7: Holey Moley! (about converting measurements to moles)

Ch 8: My chemical reaction (about chemical reactions)

Him: "hey do you know the band The Story So Far?" Me: "no, I only read the first few chapters."

Daughter (9) reading book "Am I normal", chapter - "What do you call your male parent?"

Me: So, what do you call me?

Daughter: Father?

Me (walking a little distance way): What do you call me?

Daughter (Shouting a little louder): Father?

(Repeat a few times until Mom says "Enough you guys")

She actually calls me Dad, but that would have ruined the joke.