If a one L Lama is a holy man and a 2 L Llama is a beast of burden, what is a three L Llama?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
My cousin has a crippling, irrational, fear of being beaten up by Mexicans.
….so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.
Sorry for being too lazy to look but does anyone remember seeing the joke on this sub about the chiropractor?
Someone posted it about a weak back.
Looking forward to the Fibonacci convention this year, it's supposed to be really special..
..and as big as the last two put together.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
If you are on the first floor of a building, and someone one the second floor is being arrested, are you...
What do you call the fear of being alone with the Santa?
The joys of being employed
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
Did you hear about the time the Queen of England ordered every single non-English person in the UK to be killed?
Will Glass Coffins be the Casket of the Future?
A lot of people will be enjoying their day off on the 4th of July
But not fire. fire WORKS on the 4th of July
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...
but hey, at least I put food on the table...
BREAKING: Man caught painting at Comic Con arrested on suspicion of being a con artist.
I've just won an award for being the most secretive person of the year.
I can't tell you how proud that makes me.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
My husband changed the name of our wifi to be a pun of a Will Smith song
imgur.com/cFcRxOH
What did the greek cheese say after being rid of its mold?
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
After being holed up in the house due to Covid, my wife has started having this weird nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
Someone likes being the center of attention.
The people of Germany were sure that Hitler would be a heroic leader in 1933.
They were wrong, as he didn't have the balls they were expecting.
While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad “I wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would be” as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said “Whorelocks.”
The clandestine copying and distribution of literature banned by the state can be proven simply by comparing copies side by side.
Because that bit there is samizdat bit there
If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that!
(Mj)
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
Despite being tiny, the Republic of Ireland has the capital city with the highest population growth in the world...
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
Would a movie about the invention of the Tampon be a... period piece?
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey
But then I turned myself around
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
Not sure if this qualifies as dad joke, but anyways here I go: I had to strongly disagree with a friend who accused me of being a severe fence-sitter
Then again, I get where he’s coming from.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
I asked my kids, which Winnie the Pooh character would be best in battle?
Eeyore. Because in battle, he becomes a...
War Eeyore.
When I was young I used to be afraid of the dark
Now when I get my electric bill I'm afraid of the light.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
I am at the waiting room of the doctor’s office, wondering when my girlfriend’s checkup will be over.
Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.
Did you hear that historic manufacturing plants are being shut down due to the pandemic?
Apparently COVID-19 causes olfactory loss
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
Did you hear the one about the man who hated being bald?
He got rabbits tattooed on his head so from a distance they looked like hares.
My friend makes a living off of being the sound of a clock.
Her actual words were, "I'm a tiktoker," but I knew what she meant.
I entered the national rage competition after being told I was easily angered, but lost to a guy who was much angrier than me.
My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up man, it could be worse. You could stuck underground in a hole full of water
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