The Book Of Puns

It’s my official oughta-biography.

So i bought 2

Noveltea

I Shere Khan

But then the librarian asked me to take it out

Uh, slim to nun?

Don’t buy it.

After about a week, my wife finally convinced me to write it on paper instead

It’s titled “Juneau: It’s Not The Same As It Was”.

In the end, he got away with IT.

I was using it to mark my place.

We were not on the same page

I can't put it down!

Sadly it was useless. It was the 5th in the series.

So I bought two.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

It was on a ram page.

I couldn’t put it down

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

(Not OC but I thought it was too good of a joke not to share in case you haven’t heard it yet)

There’s a lot….of cross referencing.

But each page is so riveting

“Of course, it is all paper gains.”

But, I can't find the beginning.

It's a phone book, but I'm still very proud of it.

She became ILL-literate.

It's an autobiography.

Finnish: The Book

It’s an Otto biography.

She said try Sarah Topps.

I couldn't put it down

Until the librarian told me to take it out

Then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I can't put it down!

The librarian then asked me to take it out and leave before she called the police.

Can’t put it down.

Until the librarian asked me to take it out.

I can’t seem to put it down.