Did you hear about the member of the United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing who got turned around on his trip to the big city and ended up in a bad part of town, where he was mugged?
It was a lost Shaker assault.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 16 2022
I met a priest who believed that Jesus actually gave his disciples noodles for the last supper
π︎ 92
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︎ Jan 10 2023
I can't believe we sent the sun's god to the moon over 50 years before we sent Artemis, the moon's god.
We should Apollogize.
edit: doh. Thanks, knight-errant52 in your shining armor
π︎ 747
π
︎ Nov 18 2022
For years, I believed the Earth was flat
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 03 2023
Iβve come to believe that βFβ is the most important letter.
Without it, life is just a lie.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 07 2023
Can't believe my professor failed me in front of the entire class
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 10 2023
I canβt believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 29 2022
Heard about the man who refused to believe he was in the longest river in the world?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 05 2023
Can you believe that the Canadian Prime Minister is really young?
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 19 2022
I have a mental illness where I believe I am the human reincarnation of a haddock fish
Itβs a cod complex
Sometimes I believe I am a superhero haddock in a popular New England tourist destination
Itβs a cape cod complex
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 02 2022
I canβt believe the cosmetologists are still fighting!
They just wonβt makeup.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 06 2023
Why do people believe in the flat earth theory?
They hit their heads at the edge.
π︎ 69
π
︎ Oct 05 2022
Did you hear about the bird that would believe anything about the ocean?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 05 2022
You wouldnβt believe the cost of installing a Ferris wheel in a plane.
Air fairs are just so expensive these days.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 22 2022
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the worldβs largest bedsheet.
More on this story as it unfolds
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 07 2022
The people near the river canβt believe that just happened!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 14 2022
Took my family to the beach this week - my son couldnβt believe how much bigger my sand bucket was than his.
Itβs pails in comparison.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 09 2022
What do you call someone who believes 12.5% of the Bible.
π︎ 554
π
︎ Aug 19 2022
Please pray for me since I only believe 12.5% of the Bible.
π︎ 710
π
︎ Aug 15 2022
One of the lesser known Greek philosophers believed that it was acceptable to live an unremarkable life. His name?
π︎ 209
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︎ Sep 11 2022
I believe I have transcended to the next level.
I am a 57 yr old apprentice electrician currently in school. My instructor was explaining an electronic circuit and then told us it was an "ON-DELAY" timer. Without hesitation, i yelled out "Does it work faster in Mexico?"
I immediately received 24 groans and eye rolls from my classmates(all much younger than myself).
I only wish a had a mic to drop!!
EDIT:Thanks for the awards, almost as good as the groans and eyerolls!!
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 18 2022
Why did nobody ever believe the winner of the Rodeo World Championship?
Because they were one of the greatest bullsitters in the world.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 14 2022
A guy has his annual check up at the doctor's. "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?" asks the guy. "I doubt it." says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now." "I don't believe in that astrology nonsense, doc"
"Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
π︎ 22
π
︎ Oct 06 2022
Why did no one believe the string instrument?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 11 2022
I can't believe I paid $300 to rent a limo without realizing the rental doesn't include a driver.
Now I've got nothing to chauffeur it!
π︎ 180
π
︎ Aug 11 2022
I canβt believe people are still making Friends references almost 20 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 31 2022
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible
I guess that makes me an eight-theist
π︎ 150
π
︎ Jul 13 2022
Most people don't believe that India's version of bread is flat, but I know the truth.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 13 2022
When I told my Egyptian friend he fell into the river, he wouldn't believe it.
I think he's in the Nile.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 13 2022
I want to write a book showcasing the most excellent home basement storage rooms. I believe the book would do well.
It would definitely be a best-cellar.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Jul 24 2022
I really believe in the new NASA DART
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 02 2022
Iβve just been to put air in my tyres, couldnβt believe the price, it cost me a full one pound, I remember the days when it was only 20 pence.
Thatβs inflation for you I guess.
π︎ 215
π
︎ May 02 2022
I was warned about the danger of tornadoes, but I didn't believe it until I saw one myself.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jul 21 2022
A round earther asked a flat earther what made you believe the earth was flat?
The evidence pushed me over the edge
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jul 04 2022
Why did nobody believe the backed up toilet?
Because they knew it was full of crap.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 01 2022
I only believe in a God 12.5% of the time
Because Iβm an eighth-theist
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jan 22 2022
My wife just told me the singer from the Monkees died. I didn't believe her.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 11 2021
My son didnβt believe I could say the Alphabet backwards.
So I turned around and started βA, B, Cβ¦.β
Obvious alternate ending: So I turned around said, βthe alphabet.β
Choose your own adventure.
π︎ 63
π
︎ May 01 2022
I had a dream that no one believed that I could spell the full alphabet while peeing
Then when I woke up, I got up to pee.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 24 2022
When I was in Egypt and fell into the river, I couldn't believe it.
But I was in the Nile.
>!Denial!<
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 18 2022
I remember the time when I let my wife listen to "I'm a believer" by Smash Mouth, and at first I thought she liked it
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 03 2022
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory:
all I did was take a day off...
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jun 28 2022
I only believe 12,5% of the bible.
I guess that makes me a eighth-theist
π︎ 76
π
︎ Jul 20 2022
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 13 2022
What do you call someone who only believes 12.5% of the Bible?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 29 2022
I only believe 12.5% of what it says in the Bible
Guess that makes me eighth-theist
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 23 2022
I only believe 12.5% of the bible.
I guess that makes me an eight-theist.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 22 2022
i now believe in 12.5% of the bible
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jul 18 2022
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