Sadly it was useless. It was the 5th in the series.
She is a pronoun
So I've only known my biological father for a few years. We hardly see each other except on holidays because of his work schedule, my work and college schedule, and distance. So today, he decided to visit me all afternoon and take me out to dinner. Before we left, he sat in the living room and we chatted.
Dad: "Well, young'in, I think I'm ready to eat."
Me: "Yeah, me too, I've been hungry for a while."
Dad: "Oh, really? I hadn't realized you changed your name."
Groan
For obvious reasons the North Saxons died out.
Al Kaline
But to them, it's a habit.
Since their difference is "0"
“Dad, the Earth is 71 percent water, and nearly all of it is uncarbonated.”
(He really made this up. ONE OF US)
An edit for the doubters: He was drinking a Fanta and we were watching Prehistoric Planet together when he thought up the basic idea. I helped him with the punchline, because he was having trouble making it land (he’s 11, and more mechanically-minded than artsy, if you know what I mean, so he needed help on the phrasing).
It’s not a super complicated joke, so of course it’s not new, but hey, he’s 11. Good job, kid.
but it's basically the same thing as triple A ay.
So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.
"What this, Ed?"
"A line?" the boy replied.
"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."
I told the that that's a feature of "Uncle Premium" and their attitudes only get them the basic subscription!
After a pretty great birthday dinner my son asked if he could make me a decaf coffee in our single serve pod machine.
Due to some sort of misfire, he basically made hot water and said, “Dad you asked for decaf, but this is more like de-coffee.”
He nailed the delivery. Worst coffee ever but the best birthday present by a mile.
"That's the goal at least."
You still have Gravy
You'd think the second one would have seen it.
I'm not even a dad, I'm a teen girl but I figured this sub might appreciate it. Sorry if this has been reposted before or it's too basic.
They thought I was such a plane guy
White girl in the back: Hold my pumpkin spice latte.
Hey reddit 🖐 First time posting an actual post anywhere. But I wanted to see what the internet could up with. For this little dilemma I have.
So basically my work place needs signs for the women and men's restrooms and we don't want boring ones. Any idea what type of puns we could use for either door sign? I'd prefer IT puns but I'm up for anything really. It must be work place appropriate though (unfortunately)
"I don't want your cookies" I mumbled.
She was puzzled for a moment, then smiled and said "This is just a basic cookie"
I said "OK, I accept"
After the coffee, when I was about to leave, she shouted "We will be remembering you"
// Note: Only programmers may understand the joke
Even if he isn't an actual Dad, I still feel a common bond with the man.
He kept asking for my seed
One’s a pharmacist and the other’s a farm assist
There are basically 3 types of bras for women that can be described in religious terms. There's the Catholic bra: it holds the masses. There's the Salvation Army bra: it uplifts the downtrodden. There's the Baptist bra: it makes mountains out of mole-hills.
I was playing this guitar at guitar center today. I started playing Here to Stay by Korn and an employee walks by and goes "dang, nobody has picked up that guitar in a while. I thought it was here to stay" and basically did the "did you get it" dad face. I laughed more than I should have.
So basically, the oily bird gets the warm.
Basically I fear the wurst.
Edit: thanks for my first award ya loonies ;)
Looking for some fire to spit on the reg. First kid is coming in 6 weeks, and i basically only curse as communication, but i think i can have a lot of fun with replacements...
here's one i've been working on.
ok so there's this trade publication for the hospitality industry.
it comes out once a quarter, but just now they're doing their annual "best hotel" awards
and there's a prize for best overall, and, you know, the hilton group wins every year...
but there are also categories for boutique hotels, budget, airbnbs, etc etc
and then there's a "fun" category called "best hotel for nonhuman guests"
and loads of luxury pet care places are entering in, overpriced kennels basically, taking it really seriously...
but also ppl are sending pictures of insect hotels they've built with their kids in their back yards and stuff, it's a bit of fun.
and then this one person sends in an entry, which they say is "an overnight guesthouse for footwear"
...
and one of the judges turns to the other and says "right, this one's definitely going to win it"
the other judge says "why?"
...
...
... ...
"it's a shoe inn."
thankyouthankyou.
Last night I dreamt I was turning my handwriting into a custom font.
It started out normal with basic straight lines but by “Z” it had become a very ornate and filigreed design, reminiscent of the designs of monks in old bibles.
Someone watching me work then asked me what the font was called.
I responded: What’s a monk’s favourite font?
They shook their head and shrugged.
Me: MonastArial!
I started laughing but only received an exasperated sigh in return.
Me: Wait, I’ve got another one. How about GaraMonk? 🤣
Ahhhhnd I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard at my own joke and had to look up of Monastarial was a real word. It is.
A farm kid who works for his folks on the family farm during breaks from college walks into a bar and gets a seat next to a well to do looking woman in a white lab coat. "Hello there," he greets her in a friendly manner as he orders a beer. "That's a neat looking coat. Are you a doctor or something?" "I'm a druggist at the local apothecary," she says. "Oh, wow!" the young man says. "You and I have basically the same jobs!" "I hardly think so," she replies looking the young kid over. "Sure we do," he continues. "You're a pharmacist, and I'm a farm assist!"
