I caught the flu at an airport once.
It was a terminal illness.
(Special thanks to my dog's friend's dad for this one)
Why are airport farts the best farts?
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.
It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".
My grandson’s dad joke ( very proud grandfather) What kind of chips do you get at the airport?
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage...
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
They’ve locked down Liverpool John Lennon Airport and all the passengers are trapped inside
Imagine, all the people...
So my airports fell in the toilet
I was waiting for my wife at the airport, when I saw that she was ringing me.
I picked it up and she said sorrowfully, "I didn't make the plane."
"That's fine, honey," I replied. "You know nothing about construction."
Y'all hear about the fat lady that got arrested at the airport?
They didn't find any dope on her, but they found 112 pounds of crack!
(Brought to you by my grandpa.)
Apparently, if the Coronavirus outbreak gets worse, they might have to cancel all the flights in and out of John Lennon airport.
There’s a guy in a European airport, and he sees a man carrying a ten foot metal pole. He asks the guy, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
The man says, “Actually, I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?”
A man caught a deadly virus while waiting for his flight at the airport
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...
...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
At the Charlotte airport.
You should never say “hi” to your friend Jack at the airport.
Overheard heard from an honest to goodness dad in the airport: Oh no, I ripped my sock...
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
I got stopped for routine check at the airport
turns out my daily routine is more productive than others
Edit: thanks cappuch for better punchline and constructive criticism
Under new TSA guidelines, airports in the US
Will only be allowed to sell plane chocolate.
As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids' suitcases.
But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.
I was trying to get a TV show made, one where each episode covers a different job title at the airport.
It never made it past the pilot.
I secured funding to build the new city airport
Things are starting to take off around here
Just a guy at the airport trying to pick up chicks
Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy.
However, that's not the case.
Stranger at the airport dadjoked my dadjoke.
i was getting off an airplane, and i passed a little boy who was saying "bye, plane!". i, remembering a dadjoke i saw here, said "no, this isn't a biplane" The kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look and said "you can't tell it's sexual preference based just on how it looks."
I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said “Airport Left” so I turned around and went home.
A boy threw something at me at the airport.
So I asked my dad ‘ what did Heathrow ‘
My daughter asked why they call airplanes "aircraft" at the airport.
I told her it's because they were crafted by airtists.
Saw an extremely tall guy at the airport
Friend: "Wow, it must be really difficult for him to fly."
Me: "You'd think it'd be easier, he has longer arms."
An off duty cop lost his luggage at the airport. Luckily it didn't take him long to find.
A photon was at the airport, checking in for its flight. The agent asks it if it has any luggage.
The photon says, "No, I'm a light traveler"
What's the fastest speed a line of people at an airport can board an airplane?
The John Lennon Airport has been quarantined
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage
Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy...
However, that’s not the case
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said “Airport Left”,
so I turned around and went home.
What do you call a disease you caught at the airport?
I lost my luggage at the airport...
...i tried calling the insurance but they wouldn't accept my case
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