If you change word "Love" to "Lunch", you can totally change the meaning of a lot of songs.
All You Need Is Lunch
Do You Believe In Life After Lunch
Lunch In An Elevator
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.
"Bargain" the man says.
"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."
You should never use the plural of a word when you should be using the singular
So last week i got myself in a bit of trouble when i mixed up the words jacuzzi and yakuza
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
I hate people who use the same word twice in a sentence...
What is the only 4 letter word sport that starts with a 'T'?
Teacher: "Use the word sugar in a sentence."
Student: "The tea is too sweet."
Teacher: "Where is sugar in the sentence?"
Student: "In the tea!!"
I come up with a really lame two word gay joke the other day that i was afraid my gay mate might find offensive
I was at a friends funeral and I said to the widow “do you mind if I say a word?”
She said go ahead.
I stood up said “plethora” and sat back down.
“Thank you”, the grieving widow responded, “it means a lot”
Dad, I need help writing a sentence using the word "irony."
Try this :
I licked a golf club and it tasted irony.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Teacher: Use the word oath in a sentence
Student: Mike Tyson eaths oaths for breakfasth every morning
Edit: made this up today, have merthy on my thoul
Teacher: Use the word ‘intermittent’ in a sentence.
I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.
A friend of mine does not know how to spell the word "Christmas".
He just knows it has no L.
My Dad: Can you tell me a sensible sentence that uses the word 'because', three times, consecutively?
Me: Not today, Dad.
My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face
I use because, because, because is a conjunction.
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
They call it a password because without the word...
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."
"But at least it's made with whole groins."
I bought a new shirt today that has the word LIFE printed across the chest
Tomorrow, I’m going to wear it and stand on the corner at an intersection where panhandlers usually are. My plan is to hand out lemons to stopped drivers. When life gives you lemons ...
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
When typing a word-play joke, I never put extra spaces on the left.
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
DO NOT spell the word "part" backwards. It's a trap.
The best safe word a person can use is 'Meatloaf'….
Cos I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
I was asked once about the meaning of the word ' inexplicable ' in a sentence..
..and found it very hard to explain.
Why do the words on the front cover of a book lord it over the words on the back cover so much?
They have a strong sense of entitlement.
Make a pun on the word "scenes" please
what is the scientific word for a pair of jeans?
In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.
This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment
I taught my four year old son how to use the word abundance in a sentence.
He said "thanks Dad, that really means a lot".
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",
Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".
Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
My husband walked into the proctologists office, and I knew then that the doctor must have a child as well when I heard the words from the other side of the door,
What's the word for a little hunger?
Apparently you can’t use the word “beefstew” as a password.
The other day, I bought a thesaurus. When I got home, I opened it up and all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Whats the word for something a transgender person has done
The word 'nothing' is a palindrome. 'Nothing' reversed is 'Gnihton'
which also means nothing.
My father-in-law (who's last name is Word) after a week of travel: Are you getting sick of the Word "family"?
Me: That's an odd word to get sick of.
What is the only 4 letter word sport that starts with a 'T'?
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
what is the scientific word for a pair of jeans?
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