T Virus Puns

They've got little anty-bodies

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

But it does tell me if I have ran somewhere.

Why do I keep hearing about cases of it?

It's something called social distance sink.

W.H.O let the dogs out.

Because they’re anty-bodies (credit: r/funny)

Because they are already in ICEolation

But then someone told me it was trudeau.

Because it was made in China

Let that sink in.

You might be suffering from Car Owner Virus

And after a few minutes I started to feel sweaty and nauseous, do you think I might have car-owner-virus?

Turns out he had Crooner virus.

My wife (38F) caught the dreaded virus, so it fell to me (39M) to take all the kids to get tested.

I gave them a 10 minute warning while I got my wife a coffee. After 10 minutes (okay it was probably at least 15), I called out to the kids "if you haven't already, can you please grab your shoes and get ready to head to the car..."

I grabbed my own shoes, finished my own coffee, took it to the kitchen, and as I washed it called out "is anyone not ready yet?"

(no response)

(louder) "Okay, how about this then - who IS ready?"

my eldest son (13M): "um, no one's ready"

#"what!? I gave you all at least 20 minutes!! What is happening!?"

my eldest son: "Well, I'm David, he's John, she's Chloe"

...

and I don't know if I've been so proud to be a dad before

The next day, the coroner too turned into a corpse.

Cause of death: the coroner virus.

That makes me sick.....

How do you stop a unique virus? You unique up on it.

And how do you stop a tame virus? The tame way.

(Yeah, my one-year old told me this and I couldn't be more proud)

But China got it right off the bat.

Because the virus is always looking for a host.

• If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
• Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
• Can't spell virus without U and I.
• Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
• I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
• Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
• Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.

credit: some facebook post i saw.

Because they have little anty bodies

Customer complained that I sounded muffled and I apologized stating that were required to wear masks while in the call center. He said “really? That’s so stupid!” And without hesitation I responded with “Well sir, I wouldn’t want your phone to catch a virus!”

They shove a pill in it when it had a virus

I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!

Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!

The current version has a nasty virus

I think I've got the crooner virus.

"a lone mask" wants to know !

She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?

Proud moment.

Especially with all this car owner virus going around

He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.

They're calling it the car owner virus.

It had Corolla virus

..One’s a Corona virus and the other’s a Verona crisis.

I’ve been spreading g’roaner virus.

The corolla virus.

So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!

Its called the Groaner virus

All right reddit, I have to get this off my chest. I’m absolutely SICK of this pandemic. Everywhere I go, I’m constantly being PESTERED to wipe down surfaces and sanitize my hands. It’s a complete infestation of my personal space!

Let’s face it, our ailing democratic rights have taken a huge hit. And this is a symptom of a larger problem. Namely, our ruling class seems totally impaired! We are being totally ill-informed by people who claim they know everything about this disease.

For example, this whole situation has been plagued with problems since the beginning! It’s a scourge on what’s left of humanity.

So I say, it’s time to break out of the shackles and seize our lives back! We need to combat this virus that flew around the world with everything we’ve got. Because this lock down is bugging the hell out of me! This is a cold call to do your part. The health of our society depends on it!

Happy quarantine, everyone!

It could be a virus.

I've caught the car owner virus !

They deal with viruses all the time!

Getting tired of this car owner virus

... we should have called it the Quran-o-virus.

I think it has a virus.

My 4 year old told me this...so proud!!

Q: Why do you wash your CAR?

A: So you don’t get CARona virus.

My son did and now he has a bunch of viruses on his computer.