My friend knows just who he can trust in the seedy part of town to get him safe candy and sweets...

He has treat smarts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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A few sweet puns. Candy keep them rolling? instagram.com/p/BMKnZKbD0…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sketti11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
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My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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I just found out the difference between candy in the US and candy in Sweden

Candy here (US) is sweet, while candy over there is sweet-ish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ngabear
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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Candy Baking

It’s all about temperature. You gotta find the sweet spot on the candy thermometer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmart029
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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Halloween Puns

Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween I’m going to write β€œLife” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


β€œHalloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A β€œhollow-weenie!”


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, β€œA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, β€œBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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preparing myself to be a dad one day

my girlfriend is on vacation and told me she was going to bring me home something.

She just texted me "I got you some candy today"

I said "That's so sweet!"

she said "I could barf now."

I'm just glad she got the joke! I'm going to be a great father one day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PropofLOL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2016
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Candy Corny

My sister was talking about candy she didn't like.

Her: "Swedish fish taste awful. They aren't even sweet!"

Me: "Well of course not. They're only sweet-ish."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GangsterJawa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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