What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?

Collared greens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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What do you call a letter that seems to be a submissive writer?

β€œA” likened sub-scribe

please kill me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wooden_shelf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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Next level puns of anarchy submissions
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideOctopus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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My submission to /r/bonehurtingjuice was removed for being too punny
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quixotism95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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There was a pun contest in my town, so I entered ten submissions under different names, hoping one of my puns would win

But no pun intended

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mekkxx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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My therapist tells me I always second guess myself

[Deleted]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Offensive jokes incoming
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πŸ‘€︎ u/destructive_peae
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Since you liked the dino, I'll starch making regular submissions.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENoland8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Puns on the word 'yellow'
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Made my day, hope this isn't a repost.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luke9835
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Which subreddit relies the most on good submissions?

The BDSM subreddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanguine_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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What happens when you say "urethane" to someone with a lisp?

They say: "I'm inthane? No urethane!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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This submission to /r/techsupportgore
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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Here's my dad joke submission...thanks dad. imgur.com/gallery/Oqjhr0H
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lambs0623
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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Not quite the usual submission but...

The fundamental nature of being a dad:

http://www.threepanelsoul.com/comics/2015-02-23-359.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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My Dad is Gossip Girls

So my dad is usually really quiet and "submissive" right? Like he doesn't do a lot of loud things except find the distance the chicken had to travel to cross the road in a bad dad joke.

Anyway, whenever one of us(a 6 people family) comments about something in a small group of 1-3 people, he's always got all the information. He just... knows. For example(this happened like 10 minutes ago): Me: "Wow, this tea is pretty sweet today." Mom: "well, did you sweeten it?" Me: "I d-" My dad shakes his head. Dad: "No, the person who made the tea added double the amount of sugar you previously added to the jug." Mom: "Who?" And then he points to the bedroom before I can tell my mom who made my glass of tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charlestheseventh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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What did April say when playing tag in the laundry room?

May tag. You are it.


Am a dad but never had an original thought before this so here's my first submission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyrax6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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A mobster held an internet naming competition for his newborn kid.

The winning submission was Baby McBabyFace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capt-nemo3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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My wife asked me to put syrup on the list.

http://imgur.com/frPfRRx

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2015
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Why did the sun not go to college?

Because he’s a friggin idiot who thinks he has enough degrees.

(Text repost of my submission to r/memes. Y’all ain’t my side chick, tho.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TD3SwampFox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Why can Tom Cruise never lose?

Because Submission impossible

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πŸ‘€︎ u/memes_live
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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What do you say when someone offers you a hot dog, but you don't want it?

No Franks

EDIT: Wow! Thanks guys! One thousand up-votes is crazy for my first submission on reddit. My dad told me this joke while we were grocery shopping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0w
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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The underwater vehicle team turned in a good proposal to NOAA...

The sub-mission submission was excellent!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Subreddit Changes

Recently, we had a hostile power takeover. A new mod got power hungry and went on a nice little editing spree.

Pics of carnage: Here

He/she has been banned from the subreddit, and submissions are back to normal.

I somehow ended up as the lackey here, and I've never been a subreddit mod before, so bear with me. I've put things back to their defaults, so submissions can resume normally.


##Tl;dr guy goes on power trip, he's gone, things back to normal, I have no clue what I'm doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
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How can you see a know-it-all is on Reddit?

He sorts the submissions by "knew"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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An update after the trial.

The trial has been going on for over 12 days now and we thought you guys should know what we are doing. After reading your comments and messages it looks like you guys like the sub as a self-posts only sub, so the mods have decided, after throughly discussing it, that it is a good idea to remain this way for the foreseeable future.

If you guys have any more suggestions to improve your dadjoking experience, let us know in the comments or send the mods a message.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/parin89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Need some help!!!

Need some ideas for a Pun based name for the Skin and Laser Clinic i am looking to start. Professional and funny submissions are all welcome. You never know ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathansf34
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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Happened a few hours ago: Hey son, neighborhood garage sale is this weekend.

But don't worry, our garage isn't for sale. The house has grown pretty attached to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Terror_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Criminal Acts & Delectable Snacks

We've done a bunch of these lists on my podcast Shoddy Radio in the past including "Cars and Stars" (Steve Mitsubuscemi, Jean Claude Grand Am), "Groups and Poops" (Stool, The Brown Stripes), and "Chicks and Dicks" (Sigourney Wiener, Dickey Lake). Anyway, I thought some folks here might appreciate these and want to throw in some ideas. So far for our next list "Criminal Acts & Delectable Snacks" we've got Bacon and Entering, First Degree Burger, Child CornDography, Statutory Crepes and a few others I can't remember right now. Any submissions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shoddyradio
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2012
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[META] Has r/dadjokes already gotten too big for its own good?

I liked this sub a lot more when there was less traffic and mostly just text submissions. Now half of what I see is just shitty facebook screens shots that are almost guaranteed to be fake and aren't even considered a 'dad joke'.

Anyone else notice how this sub has exploded over the past 2 or 3 months?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrapeRello
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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My grandma just sent a chain email full of these. I'll just copy and paste them.

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

Here goes...

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/All_Hail_Dionysus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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Did you hear about the MMA fighter who won an essay contest?

He had the best submission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capomatt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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A proposition for this subreddit: Dad jokes only made by dads

Hi,

I really like this subreddit, but a little too often, I see submissions of corny jokes that are spun as dad jokes. While these stories are humorous, I'm uncertain if this should be the place for them. Perhaps theres a better subreddit out there? I've done a little bit of research, and I haven't found anything too specific, but I'm curious to see what others think. There obviously isn't any strict rules to this subreddit, but I feel like some of the magic is gone when dad jokes are not told by dads. Thoughts?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agrabb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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[Meta] Better Titles Would be Nice.

Almost every day the top posts use a title similar to "Dadjoked so-and-so" or "I got dadjoked". These are pretty crappy titles.

A lot of times a dad-joke is so short, punny, and sweet that a more descriptive title is impossible; but there are clearly better titles for most of the submissions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rainblast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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