Stop Stop Stop Puns

Pulp fiction.

It was too time consuming.

It's Karltural appropriation

He ran out of gas.

Which is strange, because I don’t have any kids.

I'm calling it The No-Bell Peace Prize.

Idc if you steal this I just thought of it while making lunch and I got another one of them.

It was an unexpected Journey.

So from today I'm detergent to be better.

They said "please hold"

I said maybe

I had to put my foot down.

My doctor says it’s terminal

But I just can’t quit cold turkey

And start calling them “pencil shorteners”. We’ll see how long my family can take it

I don’t know why. I said I only wanted one night stand.

it's becoming a pain in the ass.

They wear tide-die!

EDIT: I know it’s not exactly the dryest humor but I still thought it was fun.

I realized that was it, and I had to put my foot down.

Either way, the silver bullets worked.

They were going cheep

...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.

Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.

Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.

The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.

One is a crusty bus station while the other is a busty crustacean

Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.

I thought: "Why knot?"

I never saw it coming, wouldn’t have suspected it

He had interior motives

I asked her, "Who's Literally?"

Roll-on.

Hit the paws button

The work gave him gnawsea

I don’t know, it makes no sense.

As they say, hindsight is 2020.

“Officer, the sign clearly says to ‘pet area.’”

Tie his hands behind his back....

By sheer will.

They are are the würst

Dad: Sure, why? Son: I need to go to the bathroom and the sign says they have the best craps in the state.

So I packed her things and left.

But I told them I couldn’t quit cold turkey

I'm going to quit cold turkey.

I think it may be terminal

So I had to put my foot down.

I said maybe

It was an unexpected Journey.