A list of puns related to "Stone Rock"
It's a fuckin rock.
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
To get higher, you'll have to be boulder.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
He took her for granite.
Limestone! This was made up in the car by my 8 year old son as we were driving home from our Fathers Day outing. Promised I'd share it.
It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at βThe CafΓ©,β a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: βParking now, be there in 5.β
βDad,β he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.
Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, βDadβ popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.
Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.
βHello, son,β came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. βI canβt believe itβs been so long!β
βYeah,β said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. βToo long!β
Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.
After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u
... keep reading on reddit β‘I have a pet rock but he's really hit rock bottom he has also got into rock and roll music and I think rocks but lately he has put on a stone or two so he get karma it would rock his world
Must be some kind of milestoneβ¦
That she was a little boulder!
When we have special promotions, I can make a commercial on the radio that says "don't take this shale for granite!"
You have really hit Rock bottom.
It was astoneishing.
My rock band, the rolling stones, was an instant hit.
If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit β‘Every year for the past few years, Iβve written music for a tuba ensemble for a summer band camp. Last yearβs music was titled βTubaChristmas in July,β which had βHallelujahβ by Pentatonix, βCarol of the Bells,β βYouβre a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,β and βHave Yourself a Merry TubaChristmas.β This year Iβm about 90% sure weβre doing rock/classic rock. So far I have βBohemian Rhapsodyβ by Queen, βPaint It, Blackβ by The Rolling Stones, βLivinβ on a Prayerβ by Bon Jovi, βDonβt Stop Believinββ by Journey, and some fifth song I havenβt chosen yet (BTW Iβm open to song ideas).
I need a pun that mixes Tuba with Rock or with Classic Rock. Similar to how TubaChristmas in July doesnβt include song names, but you know itβs Christmas music on tubas.
...we passed by a decorative stone speaker playing some music.
My three-year old: "What's that?"
Not wanting to let the moment slip I simply replied:
"Oh, that's just some rock music."
My sister teaches at a high school for children with learning and behavior disorders, and every year she hosts a skills summer camp.
2015 will be geology-themed, and we need help thinking of a fun name for the camp.
Previous years: 2014 Summer Scenarios: Little Egypt (Egyptian themed) 2013 Summer Scenarios (first year had no kitchy name, but it was zombie-themed)
Potential examples: Stone Throne, Rock Steady, Taken for Granite, etc.
During the live-in camp (boarding school), they'll learn survival/outdoorsmanship skills (fire starting, gardening, canoeing, etc.), and have geologists as guest speakers.
Any high school learning-friendly geology-themed blockbusters would be welcome suggestions, too--but I'll post that for the people over at /r/movies.
Thanks in advance!
Edit: Thanks to everyone who actually gave appropriate suggestions, and high-fives to those who just made rock puns. My sister selected Game of Stones.
Dad: Wow! I have never seen such a beautiful sex stone!
Me (14 years old): What.... what's a sex stone?
Dad: What do you mean, "what's a sex stone?" It's a fuckin' rock!
What animal can fly and eats stones? the flying stone eater.
How does an elephant come out of a river? Wet.
How do you stuff a giraffe inside a fridge? You open the fridge door, you put the giraffe inside and you close the fridge door.
How long does it take for a rock from the top of the Eiffel tower to fall to the ground? It doesn't, because the flying stone eater eats it.
What's green and smells like blue paint? Green paint.
What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge.
What's white on the outside, yellow on the inside, and can't climb trees? The fridge with the giraffe inside.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
What's green, 40 feet long and hangs from trees? Elephant snot.
What's wet and has wheels? The elephant from the river, I lied about the wheels.
So as the title said, I started training today for my new job and we had a huge meeting with all of the heads of the business and one of the heads gave everyone rocks that symbolized something or other.
I look at the rock, then at my two coworkers and say "Hey guys, do you wanna get stoned?" They groaned, as was expected, so I continued with, "Come on guys, don't be so rough on me. Making these puns was pretty hard."
My boss comes up and says "I think your puns rock".
The intro ended with a question: How did the Nabataeans build this city of stone?
From the back of the room I hear my dad say: βclearly they built it on rock and rollβ
sigh
... it was a pretty stone, well rounded and a smooth surface.
Dad: "This is a very special stone, you should give it to your girlfriend."
Me: "Um... OK, sure."
Dad: "Do you know what kind of stone this is?"
Me: "A river stone? No, not really..."
Dad: "They call it a 'Sex Stone'."
Me: Raises eyebrow "Oh?"
Dad: "Do you know why they call it that?"
Me: "Why?"
Dad: "Because it's just another fucking rock."
ΰ² _ΰ²
Well, I still have it on my bookshelf, and she's now my wife, so sure.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
So a news anchor is interviewing the avatar of a hawaiian volcano, a man made of molten rock. The interview goes well, but the volcano god cant' seem to stop staring at the reporter's chest with his eyes of burning, liquid stone. She plays it cool, but waits for the interview to be over to call the spirit on his rude actions. He looks her in the eyes, then points to her exposed microphone, clipped to her lapelle. "What do you call that," he asks.
It's a Lavalier mic.
I was painting this rock wall for my grandfather, and he was making sure I did a good job.
I said "Don't worry grandad, I won't leave any stone unturned".
He turned around for a sec and said "Did I ever tell you about my friend who walked along the beach, carrying rocks? He always left no tern unstoned"
Dad:"why does she want Rosetta Stone? I don't want to spend that much money on a rock."
Papaw: "That over on the ground is a sex stone" Me: "What's a sex stone?" Papaw: "Some people just call em fuckin rocks."
It is my jingle bell rock.
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