He laughs most of the time.
It’s just like riding a bike.
The album's called "Songs of Salivation".
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
The pain is still Raw.
So is the piano shop owner next door.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
“Well, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are, and those who are not, my uncle.”
this happened a few years ago. It's about my dad and something my dad would have laughed hard at.
phone rings I pick up
me: Hello
TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr ThrashandBurn's Dad available?
Me: ahhhh no he isn't
TM: do you know a better way to reach him?
with out hesitation
ME: Not unless you got a shovel.
I could hear him holding back his laugh wile trying to give his condolences.
Those were the Good Years.
A barber
"Well at least I'm not walking around the house going "Hurgerbgehbh blurgeblegh blurgega, hurr dee hurr, derr!"
To which my dad said,
"Yes you are".
It was the darkest period of my life
My daughter said this while discussing Valentine’s Day card ideas.
“We could put Swedish fish in them” “Yeah and?” “Then you write, you’re my SWEETEST fish”
I audibly exhaled. And I’ve never been more proud.
I’ll never forget it. A great mussel memory.
So there was a high school dance and at that dance there was a boy with a wooden eye and a girl with a hair lip. The boy walks over to her and asks her if she would like to dance. "Oh would I!", she says. He responds saying, "shut up hair lip!"
Dad: Yello?
Friend: Hi is emphaticstatic there?
Dad: Yes she is here.
Friend: ...
Dad: ...
Dad: Oooh you want to talk to her!
A text I sent to my dad after I went into labor:
Me: "MY WATER JUST BROKE!!!!"
Dad: "Better call a plumber."
We were walking in a park and I saw a bench Me: Hey dad, wanna take a seat? Dad: I dunno. It looks heavy. Dad laughs. I sit down.
Why does a crow never get hit on the side of the road?
There is always one on the other side saying "CAH CAH!"
Me: dad meet my new GF (older, but he has told the same joke for 11 years now...from HS to when I went to the Marine Corps and...now at good college... brought my GF home....still the same Joke) Dad: (as were leaving) remember kids (I'm 27) never pet a burning dog...(I sigh)....and remember outside of a dog a book is a mans best friend (pause ..as always GF turns around with a questionable look on her face)....because inside a dog its too dark to read .... Me: Smile put arm around my GF and just keep walking ..thinking to myself....one day Ill pull this same shit on my kids...one day
And he came across 4x11 to which I automatically reply 44. He then rebuffs with, "No, four times two."
"Two? Where'd you get two?"
"There." He points at the two 1s. "See? One...two."
I groan. "Apá, it's not mixed with Roman Numerals."
Q: What's the difference between a duck? A: One of the legs is both the same.
