Courtesy of my 7 year old- What is a cow's favorite subject in school?
Math, because it gets to use its cow-culator!
I am so proud, haha, she got a chuckle with that one!
why did the cannibal priest go out of business?
He ate up all his prophets.
A man on a business trip went into a singles bar, approached two women, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm...and collected.
Today in class, one of my students volunteered to sharpen my entire class set of colored pencils. When he was done, he spent several minutes trying to convince me that sharpening pencils should be his job for the rest of the school year.
I have to admit, he made some good points…
How long does the school of fish stay together?
My school friend who I’ve known for 30 years was so happy last night because he was able to achieve his goal of only eating almonds during 2021
What do you call the head of a school of fish?
The lead singer of Nickelback tried out for his school Christmas play.....
But he never made it as a wise man
What did the cup of tea say to his son when he was failing school?
"well son, just chai harder!"
Why did the geometry teacher flunk out of culinary school?
Because his pi(es) r squared.
I'm thinking of starting a business with focus on laxatives.
If a group of fish is called a school, what do you call a group of birds?
I've started a boat building business in my attic...
...sails are going through the roof.
Which species of fish doesn't swim in schools?
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
What has the most power of all school supplies?
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
What’s the hardest part of the roofing business?
If I was a smart but unscrupulous high school student, I would start a business doing other kids' homework for a nominal fee.
The name of the business?
"Nerdy deeds, done dirt cheap"
I'm convinced that the music they played at high school dances is part of the reason our generation struggles to maintain long-term relationships.
If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago.
When I was taking my daughter to school this morning a flock of geese flew overhead
I asked her if she knew why one side of the "V" formation was longer than the other, and she admitted that she didn't.
"There are more geese on that side."
I actually got a chuckle out of my teenager!
Did you hear about the cow who dropped out of school to start a computer business?
If I owned a cement business, I would put competitors out of business...
my prices would be rock bottom
What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid?
Elementary, my dear Watson.
The Ministry of Magic opened up a new school in South America
"I Lost My Job" Puns
My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!
- I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
- I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
- I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
- I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
- I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
- I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
- I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
- I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
- I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
- I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
- I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
- I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
- I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
- I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
- I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
- I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
- I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
- I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
- I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
- I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
- I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
- I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
- I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
- I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
- I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
- I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
- I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
- I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
- I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
- I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
- I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
- I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
- I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
...
keep reading on reddit ➡
The local juggler went out of business.
Things were just constantly getting out of hand with him!
Why did the mime get kicked out of school?
-He was always acting out!
Did you hear about the woman who got thrown out of Mime School?
Apparently it was something she said…
Kids first day of school, I was explaining making friends.
It's ok to be an introvert, I used to be an introvert too. One of the best experiences of my life was when I went to a convention for introverted people. It was incredible. The place was beautiful and it was an amazing experience.... everyone there was, speechless.
What do you get when you cross a herd of elephants, with a school of fish?
Swimming Trunks! Of course ;-})
I decided to drop out of school last night, and today I got an email that there was active shooter situation near my classroom
...I guess I really dodged a bullet there.
(believe it or not this post is based on real-life events 😬)
"Mum. the kids at school all bully me and I'm scared of the teachers. Why can't I stay home?"
"Because you're the headmaster."
I heard Disney opened up a high school with a diverse field of study
They even had a 101 on Dalmatians
We have had a lot of rain and flooding where I live, so my wife told me to be very careful taking our kids to school
So I promised her I'd be totally wreckless.
Where do jewellery shops get most of their repeat business from?
Trees, they get a new ring every year.
My daughter is thinking of becoming a mirror polisher when she leaves school.
It's something she can see herself doing.
If you take the sh out of school...
Back in high school I led a movement to eliminate some of the alphabet's unnecessary letters. Our first target the 25th letter.
I heard you made a business that profits off the confusion of your customers? How successful is it?
Not very. It makes cents.
The shady corporation's subsidiary suddenly went out of business, leaving its corruption out in the open for everyone to see.
You might say the front fell off.
My son's math's teacher was away so the head of school had to step in and take her place.
It's the principal that counts.
I had to write a 500 word essay on a language of India back in high school...
I titled it The Hindi 500.
My dog peed on my list of favorite businesses in the city
Now what’s left is Yellow Pages
Why do short-tempered doctors always go out of business?
They don't have any patients.
Origami shop out of business
Pretty sure they folded up and left town
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