Step Grandfather Puns

Last night we were sitting in my step grandparents' kitchen talking about how my mom and step dad want to move back to this town

Step dad: Well if you guys feel like you need to go to a retirement home we could take over this house.

Step granddad: Don't worry I have something better for you.

He then paused for a few seconds and starts chuckling loudly and says "A tent-house"

I think it took at least half an hour before he stopped laughing.

My grandfather or Pa, as I called him gave my an absolute gem.

He was actually my step mother's dad and we already called my other grandfather Papa, so we called him 'Pa Ulb' - Ulb being his surname.

He was an incredible artist and would paint awesome things for us or on our bedroom walls. I remember he painted me a massive Star Wars piece on one of my walls when Episode 1 came out. I was only about about 6 at the time and remember being scared of Darth Maul. From this we used to joke around that Darth Maul would come and get me if I did anything wrong. Sort of like a police officer watching my every move, to ensure I behaved.

This carried on as a joke until he died 2 years ago, when I had done something wrong he said he'd call the police and get Maul to take me away. When he did die he had just finished an incredible painting of Darth Maul as a police officer. It was amazing! My parents could make sense of it and weren't sure if it was him that had painted it, so they flipped it over because he used to always write Pa Ulb Art and the title of the painting.

Surely enough on the back it said Pa ulb Art - Maul Cop.

Grandpa sees cemetery

Grandpa: Do you know why someone living in (random city's name) can't be buried here?

Me: I don't know, why?

Grandpa: Because they are living. chuckles to himself

I've heard it over 100 times and he always forgets I have heard it before.

I was taking an order tonight and one of the children ordered the chicken fingers. I told him that they were actually chicken strips. Everyone at the table let the comment gloss over them except for the dad, who smirked and started nodding. We broke the silence by simultaneously declaring "because chickens don't have fingers."

On the first day of the cruise, we were required to attend an emergency drill called a "muster drill." The crew members that demonstrate the steps for us to take are called "musters."

My uncle asked the muster, "So what do you do when you're not a muster?"

My grandfather replied for her with, "She's a ketchup!"

All the dads in the room chuckled.

I went to Cabo earlier this year with my girlfriend and her entire family. It was for her dad's 50th birthday. The two grandfathers were taking pictures, with their iPads, all week long. On our way back home waiting in the Airport terminal the grandfathers were off taking pictures of the plane we were about to board.

Girlfriend's step-mom: "Seriously!? Do they have to take pictures of everything?"

Me: "Well yeah, they're the paparazzi."

Groans all around. My girlfriend's father staring at me and clapping says, "I'll never be able to top that."