I dadjoked my 8 year old step daughter yesterday.

With most 8 year olds, they forget to do normal things due to their attention span.

Yesterday was no exception.

After she took a shower I went into the bathroom and noticed she left her towel on the floor and also noticed, to my own disgust, that she forgot to flush the toilet which still had a fresh "brownie" inside.

I went over to her and this conversation went down.

Me: "Hey dear, can you go to the bathroom and pick up your towel and flush the toilet, please?"

Her: "Oh yea! Sorry, I totally forgot!"

Me: "You mean you TURD-ally forgot!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mchootin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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Dad joked my step daughter

So my step daughter is recovering from having here wisdom teeth pulled 3 days ago.

She just asked "so how do I brush my teeth"? (Her dentist gave special instructions).

I replied "with a tooth brush".

She flips me off. God I love my kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragonstar982
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
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My daughter stepped on my feet today

I said, β€œThat’s ok, I step on them all the time.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valheol
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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Daughter: "Ouch! I stepped on a tack on the floor."

Me: "So the floor attacked you!" Daughter: "Daaaaaad!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iluv_Felashio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?

You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.

Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/houseme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Stepdaughter pun that I never thought I'd hear.

Brief background: stepdaughter is 20 years old and has always hated when I make puns/dadjokes

So my step daughter just came downstairs heading out for work and just as she's walking out the door I noticed she has only one shoe on.

Me: "Hey! You know you only have one shoe on, right?

Her: "yeah, the other one is in my car"

Me (visibly confused): "uh...ok"

Her: "you might say I'm a step ahead"

The door shuts, my jaw dropped.

I run to the door, open it,

"Was that a pun? did you just make a dad joke?!"

She replies only with a smirk.

I'm so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/athei-nerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2017
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Hey, am I violating the rules by posting here?

I'm only a Step-Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knowses
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Praying

So a dad walks in on his daughter praying. She said, β€œI pray for mommy, I pray for daddy, I pray for grandma, and goodbye grandpa.” The dad didn’t know what she meant. But the next day, the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence, until the next day the daughter said, β€œI pray for mommy, I pray for daddy, and goodbye grandma.” The father thought it was odd but went to bed. The next day the grandma died. The dad was terrified, he heard the daughter say, β€œI pray to mommy and goodbye daddy.” The dad the next day was restless. Then, at night he realized nothing was going to happen. He said to his wife, β€œ I had the most horrible day.” The wife replied, I did to the milkman died at the door step today.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NashYaBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I was grilling pizza for dinner tonight...

I was explaining the steps and process to my daughter.

I asked her, "do you know what you call the important and precious moments just before you burn the crust?"

She shook her head no.

"....Crunch time...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordHammerCock
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Channeling The Beatles

So my wife and eldest daughter are in the dining room and I’m in the kitchen. They are talking about parking a car at school, and getting the ticket that allows this from the office. I step into the room:

Me: β€œYou guys are talking about a ticket to park?”

Kid: β€œYeah”

Me: β€œBut I thought Paul McCartney said it was a ticket to ride...”

Wife: β€œShut up dear”

I look at the kid and point to my wife:

β€œShe don’t care.....”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trazom28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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My daughter got up from the table and said, "I have to go pee"

My step-daughter got up from the table as well and added, "I have to pee, too." My wife deadpans, "It is a 'pee too' movement!" #peetoo #momjokestoo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/detrickster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Walking through the garden section in Lowes

Step daughter " These rocks smell the candy."

Me "Would you say they smell like rock candy?"

Her facial expression was priceless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JelloVV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arriv

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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...nothing to sneeze at...

So my daughter is the slowest person I know when it comes to getting ready for everything (especially getting ready for school). We went out to eat last week and when we were done I picked up the pepper shaker and told her that maybe I should sprinkle some in her shoes in the morning. Confused, she asks "Why?" So I says to her, I says "to put a little pep in yo step" she was not amused :/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samoerai
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Son's concert...

Last night I had to go to my son's 6th grade band concert. He plays the trumpet. Most of the band, like my son, only started playing their instruments this year so the quality was far less than professional.

We walked out of the school together and he had a hop to his step feeling really proud. It was a shame to tell him that I could barely see him let alone hear him by the squeaks and honks him and his classmates created.

I rubbed his hear and asked, "You play the trumpet, right son?"

He gave me a strange look. "You know I do, dad."

"So, you got to toot your own horn tonight, huh?'

His eye roll was worth it.

The nice part was being able to retell it to my older step daughter who giggled at my joke. A two for one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobsbattle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
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Got my wife while potty training our daughter.

My daughter tried to go poop today for the first time on the potty. It didn't go well. There was "one that got away" if you know what I mean. She got excited and ran out of the bathroom without being properly cleaned up. It ended up on the rug in her room (she has a brown and green rug so it blended right in) and my wife found it by stepping on it. I had to run to the store to get some carpet cleaner. I get home and she has it mostly cleaned up. This is where it starts: Wife: I got most of it out already. Me: Ok. I'll get the rest with the cleaner. Wife: I scrubbed it pretty good for like twenty minutes. Me: To get it that clean, I thought it would have taken about turd-y minutes. She groaned and my son and I laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibs2pid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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Finally got a laugh from the step-kids

Step-Daughter: "I have to write about myself for school things like favorite foods..."

Me: "What is your favorite food?"

Step-Daughter: "Umm... Nachos."

Me: "What? That's Nacho favorite!"

...Silence...

Everyone: "Oh jeeze... ha ha ha"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjbehrendt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
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I realised I'm a dad joker when I let this one out

Unpacking groceries into the fridge, the fridge starts with it's alarm that the door has been open for too long (jingle bells)

Me: I wish the fridge would shut the hell up! Step daughter: it's a smart fridge Me: well if it's so damn smart, why the hell is it playing Christmas carols in May.

Groans where heard throughout the house

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teraferma
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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Joke de père

Im french-canadian. ^^"Hi ^^french-canadian, ^^im ^^dad" ^^done!

Im made an awesome dadjoke earlier but it is french. Im still gonna tell you, cause its awesome, but don't worrie, I'll explain it over and over and laugh doing it, because, after all, im a dad and the same rules apply, whatever the language.

So, the mother was distributing cookies after the meal. One for the daughter, one for me and 2 for her. Doing it, she said "le deuxième, c'est mon pourboire" (the second is my tip) in french, tip is pourboire, but, if you separate the word like so "pour boire" it means "for drinking". So, I said to her "pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger!" (for drinking? Cookies are for eating)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA. FUCK ME, ITS HILARIOUS.

See, its a classic dadjoke in french and I still got her good! "Pour boire? Ben non, c'est pour manger" hahahahah. Cause you don't drink cookie, you eat it. Hahaha. So great. Eyes were rolling all over the place, I almost step on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brunovitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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Biology teacher pun part 2

Teacher: What did one daughter cell say to the other daughter cell when she stepped on her toe?

Class: Umm....

Teacher: That's my toe sis! (Mitosis)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicolas--
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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Saw a girl walking out of a store with a small piece of furniture, it was the demo model.

Told my step daughter that the girl had purchased a stool sample!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogy650
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2015
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A frozen dad joke inspired by /u/Heebichibi

After resetting my step daughters tablet to defaults the Facebook messenger app kept freezing. It would eventually say wait or force close. I hit wait and it loaded. I told her..

"If it's frozen... Let it go."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjbehrendt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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