Steal Hear Puns

It's the rustle crow.

Waterway to go, huh?

Apparently it was panes taking work.

They both got 6 months.

He was just arrested for Petty theft.

He was cleared of all charges.

They each got six months

"Yeah! I heard he got caught red handed!"

It was a brief case

She was a real bamboozler...

Police are working tirelessly trying to find them.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

He made bale.

They were incahoots.

And given the deaf penalty

The judge gave him 12 months

The robbery was a bust.

He’s now an iCon.

I guess the "Batman" was "Robin."

Presidentures

Knock knock Who's there? Ice cream soda Ice cream soda who? Ice cream soda whole neighborhood can hear me!

Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

When I was younger and in the car with my dad, we'd be driving normally then say an Ambulance would zoom past with it's lights flashing and sirens going off, he'd always turn to me and laugh and say "They're never going to sell Ice cream at that speed".

The farmer says "Sir, I've lived hear near on 60 years and all that time no one has ever tried to steal a bucket of shit"

Dad: Did you hear about the new crime wave happening in town?

Everyone: No! What is it?

Dad: People are breaking into houses stealing toilets.

Everyone: Wow, that is so weird. Who would do something like that and why?

Dad: Yeah the cops said they have nothing to go on.

Everyone: UGHHHH

Roommate: Did you hear that Diddy interrupted Drake's concert to call him out for stealing his beats? Me: Did he?

They are working tirelessly to catch him!

It was a brief case

He made bale.

They each got 6 months