Should've becareful of your speech
Who gave that boring speech, they asked. I admitted it was meh.
You know how Russia doesn’t like free speech.
They just won’t be Putin up with it!
A child with a speech impediment is dressed as a pirate. A man asks what are you. He says he is a birate. You mean a pirate? Yes a birate. Oh well then where are your buccaneers?
On each side of my buckin head you buckin idiot!!
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
I was recording my wife’s speech at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, but my battery died halfway through.
Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because then it would be "darc"
I support free speech
Nobody should have to pay to talk.
My friend from Paris was the best man at the wedding of a Belgian waffle heir and a Swedish pancake tycoon, but wasn’t allowed to give a speech at the reception.
They knew he’d give a French toast, and they said it wasn’t worth the pain.
I think it’s so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
Today's the day I bring my Son to weekly speech therapy..
.. easier done than said.
Did you see Trump's speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
My dad gave a speech at my big sisters wedding.
He had my sister put a hand in, her husband put his hand on top of hers, then she put her other hand over his, then his other hand over hers. Then he told her husband “This is the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand”
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.
What do you call a Pokémon with a speech impediment?
Why is sign language more effective than regular speech?
Because actions speak louder than words.
The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.
Really brought a tier to my eye.
VP Joe Biden announced he has hired a female amputee speech writer.
He said she would be really good at stump speeches.
Did you hear the Trump administration is thinking about making it illegal to sell pre-shredded cheese?
Apparently they want to make America grate again.
Why wouldn’t bootleggers work with anyone who had a speech impediment?
I was trying to emulate the Easter bunny.
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
What did Mike Bloomberg do after the speech on dropping out of the presidential race?
"Welcome back, everybody" is apparently not a good way to start your speech
if you're the best man at your buddy's second wedding.
I've seen most of the speeches that the Pope has made and they always seem rather pompous.
He's always pontificating...
A guy told me to keep the change
I dunno, it didn't make much cents to me. I already keep the change I made; I've been the same way for years.
My father had a stroke last night. While he was in his bed in the ER with slurred speech and half his face paralyzed, the nurse comes in and asks, "So, what brings you here tonight?"
"The ambulance", he says.
My friend with a speech impediment got arrested for drug peddling.
He really made a meth of himself
Had my best man speech for my best friends wedding yesterday and I finished with a great one
"Well this has been a really emotional day, gosh...even the wedding cake is in tiers." Got lots of heavy sighing, laughs and tons of boos....I was very happy with the reception
- thanks for the upvotes! Never thought I'd see the front page, it's been a pun-ishing wait to get there
When I win the nobel prize, this will be my speech:
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side; my hips, for never lying; my legs, for always supporting me; my fingers and toes, for I can always count on them
The person who proof-read Adolf Hitler’s speeches was a grammar nazi.
I just want to give a shout out to sidewalks
For keeping me off the streets
What do politicians wear to give their agenda speeches?
Say what you want about freedom of speech....
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
I built myself a speech-activated car.
I also have a regular car, but that goes without saying.
You know there’s a name for when parrots mimic human speech
If you were the editor of Hilter's speeches...
You'd be a grammar nazi...
What do you call an old man with a sudden speech impediment?
An Ambulance. Difficulty speaking is a common sign of a stroke.
Why did the college grad mention side walks in his speech?
He thanked them for keeping him off the streets.
Did you hear about the escaped convict with a speech impediment?
He couldn’t finish his sentence.
Why was the janitor fired after he developed insomnia and a speech impediment?
My friend keeps telling me that he goes to speech therapy every week.
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