A doctor says to his patient, "I've got some bad news..."
"You have cancer and alzheimer's," the doctor finished.
The man sighed and said, "Well, at least it isn't cancer."
I was in Ireland on holiday and some guy with bad skin tried to sell me a fake Rolex.
Must’ve been a Leper-con.
I've had some bad news about my Dutch friend with inflatable shoes.
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...
but hey, at least I put food on the table...
Had some bad chicken last night
It left a fowl taste in my mouth.
Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”
My wife and I went out for dinner and ended up with food poisoning. She ate some bad chicken and got salmonella
while I ate some bad salmon and got chickenella.
Why are some words bad words?
They picked on the other words in grammar school.
Some puns are so bad, when I hear them I feel numb
When I hear a math pun, I feel number
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
I've had some bad pickup lines, but this one is the cheesiest
I let my out of town girlfriend know her vegetable service delivered a package today and I had some bad news.
She asked what had happened to it,
I told her the box had a leek in it.
Dad: If there is some of it, then it's good. If it is ful of it, it's bad. What's the thing?
Me in my new underwear: I don't know....
Dad: Awe.
Some meat puns are so bad
that I wouldn't wish them upon my wurst enemy.
Some bad puns are not very odd
Bad puns makes me numb, but bad math puns makes me even number. If you think that's odd, you're wrong.
I might have made some bad decisions yesterday
I got a call at work the other day from a doctor at the hospital. He says "I have some bad news... It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
I said "But she has a great personality."
Something tells me I ate some bad food for lunch today.
I have a gut feeling about it.
A post about the T Rex has some real bad puns
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” “Ten…” the doctor says slowly.
“Nine... eight… seven...”
I got some bad news yesterday. My ex got hit by a car
and my license got suspended.
I just heard some bad news about Subway’s 6 inch sub.
They aren’t going to make them any longer.
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz-sight.
Why do some pirates have bad breath?
Because not all who plunder have flossed.
So I was scrambling some eggs this morning and if you know me, I like my eggs real scrambled. So I was going at these eggs hard, using all of my muscle to whisk these bad boys, when suddenly my arm goes numb and I passed out.
I guess you could say I “over-eggxerted” myself.
I think I ate some bad seafood
I've been feeling a little eel
My dad likes bad puns, so I decided to include some on his Father's Day card envelope. Thought you all might appreciate!
A woman goes up to her boyfriend and says "honey, I have some bad news for you. I'm pregnant". He looks her with tears of joy and pride in his eyes and says ...
Some puns here do a good job at pushing the envelope. Too bad they'll always be stationery.
Why are some people bad at serving tea?
I made waffles this morning, but I have some bad news...
I forgot the W and they turned out awful.
My 1 week old son has some bad diaper rash.
He’s pretty butthurt about it.
Unfortunately I’ve some bad news to report about shortcakes.
They are not going to make them any longer.
Dad: cmon son just try some. Son: Dad, why do you want me to try this chapstick so bad???
Dad: because it’s the balm!
What did Trump say when he tasted some bad Korean food ?
What did the tailor say when he was given some bad news?
“That’s a lot to take in.”
Some bad dad jokes about Europe (very bad)
Germany has to be one of the smelliest countrys in Europe
-Its so bad they have a town called Cologne
Did you know France has a sibling that had a child?
-Neither did I but its the only explanation for Nice
Poland has this uncanny habit of not finishing its stories
-Warsaw what?
Belgium loves its greens
-City named Brussels gives it away
Everytime i tell anyone of these I need to laugh as the absolute cringe my girlfriend makes and then laugh through the pain of her hitting me whilst saying "Its just not funny".
Personally I love them and I thought i would share them with you.
Some people are saying Trump would be a bad president but this says otherwise
I think I had some bad food at the Middle Eastern restaurant last night.
"Chipotle is going to stop serving some of its pork because of the bad treatment of pigs? Doesn't matter. Those pigs are bread to die"
Those pigs aren't bread, they're pork.
I got some bad news this weekend. My Uncle Mark was sent to the hospital again.
He just can't stop hitting himself.
I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news
The good news is there’s no bad news, the bad news is there’s no good news.
Why are some words bad words?
I think they picked on the other words in grammar school.
I ate some bad chicken the other day.
It left a fowl taste in my mouth.
The doctor tells the patient that he has some good news and some bad news...
Patient: Tell me the bad news first!
Doctor: Sure. The bad news is that there is no good news.
Patient: Well? What is the good news then?
Doctor: That there is no bad news either.
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