Why does a baby duck walk softly?
Well itβs a baby. It canβt walk hardly.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home...
...I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.
π︎ 108
π
︎ Jun 05 2019
Tread softly.
A police officer radioed to headquarters: "Chief we've got a situation here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor."
Chief: "Did you arrest her?"
Officer: "Not yet. The floor's still wet."
π︎ 238
π
︎ Nov 17 2016
I went to a microbrewery and a soft serve ice cream store the other day.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 04 2021
What do you call a soft peanut?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
What kinds of countries do soft drink companies make?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
I gave the dog a bath today and the wife noticed how soft she was and asked βDid you condition her?β
So I said βyeah, I rang a bell and then fed herβ
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Why is Pavlovβs hair so soft??
Because he conditioned it. π
π︎ 69
π
︎ Feb 10 2021
A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...
I think his plans are Nerfarious.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
I wanted to make a new soft drink called Emotions
But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
What goes in hard then comes out soft?
Bubble gum
"See ya later said the blind man!"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
Tongue, Teeth, Saliva, Roof, Soft Palate, Hard Palate, Uvuula, Taste Buds, Gums...
Wow, that was really a mouthful...
π︎ 45
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
What state is famously known for selling small soft drinks?
π︎ 27
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks??
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
When asked whether his former coach liked artificially flavored sugary soft drinks, Lionel Messi replied
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..
"Where are the reinforcemints"
π︎ 400
π
︎ Sep 23 2019
The man working the bar tonight was real soft.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 21 2020
We can't decide whether to put in soft pink or baby blue flooring in the nursery
It's an infantile problem
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
A man told me that throwing my drinks at him wouldn't hurt because I only drink soft drinks. But he was laid out when I threw a can of Arizona.
I guess he didn't expect a my tea throw.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
What do you call the soft tissue between a sharkβs teeth?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
I had to quit my last job, all I did was test soft drinks
π︎ 66
π
︎ May 17 2019
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
Hard pour corn vs soft pour corn
π︎ 47
π
︎ Jun 05 2019
The doctor thinks I have erectile dysfunction.
I told him I have no hard feelings.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
My wife's handbag is sorely in need of replacement. I offered to get her a new soft leather one, but she declined.
I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 03 2019
Where were small soft drinks invented?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
My son threw a soda at my head today: So I told him Iβm lucky it was a soft drink!
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 17 2019
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 02 2019
I used to work for a soft drink can crusher.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jun 07 2019
This makes me micro soft
π︎ 17
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
Why do little baby ducks walk softly?
Because they canβt walk hardly.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 21 2019
Why is Pavlovβs hair so soft?
π︎ 44
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
Why was Ivan Pavlovβs hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Why was Pavlovβs hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
What goes in long and hard, then comes out soft and wet?
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 26 2020
Why was Pavlovβs hair so soft?
π︎ 87
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
Why was Pavlov's hair soft?
Because he conditioned it
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 11 2019
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 245
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 23 2019
Which US state is famous for its extra small soft drinks?
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 01 2020
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
π︎ 111
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
Why was Pavlovβs hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Feb 19 2020
Why was Pavlovβs hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 140
π
︎ Feb 06 2019
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 28 2019
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
π︎ 86
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Feb 18 2019
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