Why does a baby duck walk softly?

Well it’s a baby. It can’t walk hardly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrooper7567
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home...

...I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_keter_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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Tread softly.

A police officer radioed to headquarters: "Chief we've got a situation here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor."

Chief: "Did you arrest her?"

Officer: "Not yet. The floor's still wet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jukeefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to a microbrewery and a soft serve ice cream store the other day.

It was called Microsoft

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crom2323
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soft peanut?

A fluffernutter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartansshadow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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What kinds of countries do soft drink companies make?

Carbo Nations!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I gave the dog a bath today and the wife noticed how soft she was and asked β€œDid you condition her?”

So I said β€œyeah, I rang a bell and then fed her”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billwashere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft??

Because he conditioned it. πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TattooedTimi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...

I think his plans are Nerfarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhena_lahrie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a new soft drink called Emotions

But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What goes in hard then comes out soft?

Bubble gum

"See ya later said the blind man!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeHoncho303
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Tongue, Teeth, Saliva, Roof, Soft Palate, Hard Palate, Uvuula, Taste Buds, Gums...

Wow, that was really a mouthful...

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What state is famously known for selling small soft drinks?

Minnesota

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergeantsexxy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks??

Minnesota ! HA!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
When asked whether his former coach liked artificially flavored sugary soft drinks, Lionel Messi replied

ΒΏPep? Β‘SΓ­!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klaymens
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..

"Where are the reinforcemints"

πŸ‘︎ 400
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rictusbb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The man working the bar tonight was real soft.

He was a bartender.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Locktaw
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
We can't decide whether to put in soft pink or baby blue flooring in the nursery

It's an infantile problem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man told me that throwing my drinks at him wouldn't hurt because I only drink soft drinks. But he was laid out when I threw a can of Arizona.

I guess he didn't expect a my tea throw.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth?

The slowest swimmer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my last job, all I did was test soft drinks

It was just soda grading

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Bot-Killer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Hard pour corn vs soft pour corn
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The doctor thinks I have erectile dysfunction.

I told him I have no hard feelings.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife's handbag is sorely in need of replacement. I offered to get her a new soft leather one, but she declined.

I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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Where were small soft drinks invented?

Minisoda

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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My son threw a soda at my head today: So I told him I’m lucky it was a soft drink!
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atmouspheric
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...

They brand themselves as MOMzarella...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackmark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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I used to work for a soft drink can crusher.

It was soda pressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
This makes me micro soft
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebeastyboi75
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do little baby ducks walk softly?

Because they can’t walk hardly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft?

He conditions it.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaamosMajere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Ivan Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jetavator
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum !

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunspotshavefaded
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What goes in long and hard, then comes out soft and wet?

Pasta you pervert

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaklshakl
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

He conditioned it

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair soft?

Because he conditioned it

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/philzard224
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 245
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Which US state is famous for its extra small soft drinks?

Minnesota

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

He conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyber_SpacePirate
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's beard so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThadeeusMaximus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

He conditioned it.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrmatt04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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