What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?

QuaranTeens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaMusicista
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,

but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cramer-klontz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I don't practice "social distancing."

After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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I will not be practicing social distancing..

I am much safer with my usual anti social distancing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other β€” A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

  1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

  2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

  3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.

In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a5paperblank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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I feel like I am living in a Abbott and Costello inspired dream..

-WHO wants you to wash your hands.

-Who does?

-Yes

-Who wants me to wash may hands?

-Yes, WHO wants you to wash your hands and practice social distancing.

-I don't know who. My mom?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.

I practice social diss dancing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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For prom, high school seniors will have to video call each other

They need to practice social disdancing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaybram24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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In these times of crisis, we all have to do our part

I already started singing to people from far away.

What about you, are you practicing social distant sing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

...to practice social distancing

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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