What do you call a shower loofah that’s all tattered and worn out?
My daughter asked me why there are a lot of soaps that smell like lavender. I said "It's just a popular smell that a lot of people like, like sweet orange, lemongrass and rosemary." She paused and then nodded and replied:
"Yes, that seems like common scents."
What’s the difference between a Liverpool supporter and someone who drank dish soap?
One walks on with hope in their hearts; the other walks on with soap in their farts…
Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.
I used to be addicted to soap
I used to have a severe addiction to soap
What’s a matador’s favorite brand of soap?
Why did the soap get fired?
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until your get soap in your mouth. Then what does it become?
For awhile I was addicted to the automatic soap dispensers at work.
Always liked the opera, sounds soap nice
Looking for dish soap at the store? Check where the lights are out.
It's always darkest before the Dawn.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean
What's the least spoken language in the world?
I certainly soap you like it.
Did you know that Linkin Park's band manager only provided them with Irish Spring soap when they were on tour?
Because in the end it doesn't even lather
Kids these days are stealing soap dispensers from school bathrooms...
I guess it would be a pretty clean getaway.
I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
In the underwater 'Cool' Olympics, it was Seahorse VS Sponge in the final...
Seahorse was aloof, but Sponge was a loofah
Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?
After all his first name is No-vac
If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!"
Her: "What the hell does that mean?!"
Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
If “womb” is pronounced “woom” and “tomb” is pronounced “toom” then shouldn’t “bomb” be pronounced…
A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!" He replied, "I don't know."
"That's what they're fighting about."
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?" I pondered for a while and replied...
In Athens, no one wakes up before noon.
My wife and I always fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper roll, so our therapist suggested we try the other person's way for a week.
Just a friendly reminder to not drop the soap
Picking it up can be a pain in the ass
WHO HAS 2 THUMBS AND IS AWESOME?
My son was born yesterday and is in the NICU. [META]
What are your best dad jokes? Whoever tells me the funniest one will have the honor of knowing their dad joke was my first as a dad.
Edit: there are two winners.
The first is one I told to my wife. It is about him being born with 4 kidneys but two of them will become adult knees. Thank you u/cabbithunt
The second I told me son. "There are two fish in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says 'I'll drive you man the guns.'" Thank you u/kiabe1
Edit 2: After two weeks in the NICU, we have convinced the doctors to let us upgraded to the wireless home version. Thank you all for your well wishes and jokes.
While watching “Home Alone” we were at the tar-on-the-basement-steps scene, and my daughter asks “where would you even get tar?” And my wife said…
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
I haven’t seen this one in years. My kids will all all learn this one today. Begrudgingly I’m sure.
I used to be addicted to soap…
I used to be addicted to soap,
I used to be addicted to soap...
Singing in the shower is fun Until you get soap in your mouth
I used to be addicted to soap
I used to be addicted to soap.
I used to have an addiction to soap.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
I used to have an addiction to soap
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Singing in the shower is always fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera. Buh dum psst! 🥁
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