So I am going to be becoming an uncle soon...
You see I am too young to become a dad but my sister will be having a girl soon and I decided to start getting into dad humour (even tho is should be getting into uncle humour). This post was inspired by another post on this sub by a soon to be father. So here we go
What do you call someone below the age of 18 and has a problem?
A minor inconvenience
So I am checking in at the airport with dad
on our way down to PAX and after we've checked our baggage he asks the attendant "would I be able to check my son in as baggage too?" and when the attendant tells him he can't he replies with
"I guess I'll just have to ♫ Carry on my wayward son ♫
I took a pill and am feeling so ticklish now...
I think it was a pharmaceutickle
I am so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
My wife wonders how I am able to straighten and fold all the clothes so fast after laundry.
I lost my left nut to a cancer scare. So now when someone asks me how I am
I can say "I am all right. Literally"
I know a family of Artists but I am not sure how they make so much Money
Patient asks doctor "Doc, I am so sorry, but I think I would like to get a second opinion."
Doctor replies "OK, you're ugly, too."
My 14 year old dropped this one on me - I am so proud: two snare drums and a cymbal fall over a cliff...
So this plane takes off, am I right??
...I guess not every joke lands
I am so glad Tinder found me a match
Because yesterday I lost my lighter.
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
I posted this on r/memes a while ago and it didn't blow up or somthing. I am just so proud of this it makes me laugh every time
I am so broke.
I couldn't even pay attention.
I am not a dad, so I can’t tell dad jokes
To do so would be a faux pa...
I’m at wedding and I’m very thirsty so I am walking all around the whole ballroom looking for something to drink.
I can’t find the punchline.
I figured out why I am so shy and awkward
A main part of my body is called the nervous system
I am so incredibly surprised by how easy it is to buy my shirts online...
I swear I nearly shipped my pants.
I think this belongs here, so does u/i_am_a_pathetic
its not mine but i found this and thought it was good so i am sharing it
Over quarantine I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
So no shit here I am
This just happened to me lmao. I'm here with my wife and 5 y/o daughter about to sit down and eat.
Daughter: what movie are we going to watch. (We mentioned maybe watching one earlier)
Me: it's this new cartoon movie called nunya
Literally 1 second later
Daughter: nunya business....
Me: DDAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG
What an awesome feeling lol
I ran out of toilet roll so am reduced to wiping my butt with lettuce leaves.....
I fear it's just the tip of the iceberg.
I’m a blues musician, so my wife is always saying how soulful I am.
Any chance she gets she will say, “You are soul.”
I am so out-of-shape! I just bought some running shoes
And I can't even keep up with them.
Maria, Marcos, and Maveric were siblings. Maria was ploting a prank on her brothers, so being the good friend i am, i had to...
Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my picture in it. Guess I really am
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then i realised "am i really this shellfish"?
My dad tells people his name is Sam at every restaurant we go to so when they call his name he can say "Sam I am"
He does this at every restaurant. He has been going to the same Starbucks for about 7 years now and to this day they still think his name is Sam.
I just found out I am going to be a dad so I need to be prepared. Which are the best dad jokes you know?
Son: "Dad, I am so happy. I got a B in reading!"
Dad: "That's a D, idiot."
I am so sick of russian dolls
they are full of themselves
Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. Guess I really am
Independent
(from /u/gowthamcity)
I am cringing so hard now...
There are so many things that I am looking forward to in the new year...
You could say that my vision is 2020.
Why am I always so tired on 1st April ...
... because I’ve just endured a 31 day March
So I am taking this is not good karma.
So I am going change my name
My first name will be Justin.
My last name will be Time.
My wife will be Niko.
My daughter will be Bedora, shortened to Bed. That it will always be Bed Time. And then I will go to my wife, coming in the Niko Time.
And I will always arrive at events Justin Time.
Then, after my family grows, I will have an advanced degree and shock the world by proving that Time is, in fact, relative. Because they are MY relatives.
So punny, I am Sirius XD!!!
I am so pessimistic
That even my blood type is B negative.
I am so good at sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed.
I am so broke
I can't even pay attention.
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