My friend Nigel signs his name with no vowels.
Anton LaVey tried to sign with a NBA team
But he was told he doesn't have a shot in hell.
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
One day all mathematical signs gathered together in order to go into an adventure. Right before they were leaving, they didn't let the equal sign go with them.
They wanted to live an adventure without equal
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
When Shaquille O’Neal gives you a birthday card, he always signs it with a reference to his favorite 80’s song.
I saw a man with a sign that said “Will work for food.”
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said “Look Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”
I said “I sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”
I hit a criminal with a sign yesterday
I must say I put a stop to them
The other day, my hot friend told me he could sign a piece of paper with his hotness.
Me, being fed up with him always boasting, I asked," How could you even do that?"
With a smug smile plastered on his face, he replied," Thermal Signature."
Walked by a house with a broken window and a sign in the window saying "don't rock the boat".
Looks like somebody rocked your house
A blind man was hit with sign at my local protest
What do get if you cross Sadé with a minus sign?
A smooth operator (smoooooth opperrateerer)
A local town (Bulls, New Zealand) has signs with bull puns scattered across the town at points of interest.
US signs treaty with the Taliban
Local city sign with a bit of humour
I saw a lift with a sign attached that said "due to an error, this lift can't go down"
My first thought was, "well, that's uplifting"
I walked by a store with a sign that said “Television $1- volume stuck on full”
I thought to myself “I can’t turn that down!”
I saw a guy waiting at airport arrivals with a sign. I said why are you standing there with a sign that says “No one”? ....
He said “It’s for Mr Noone” you bozo.
I was in the car with my 10 year old daughter and there was a sign that said road works ahead. She’s said road works ahead , that’s a relief. I’ve never been so proud to be a dad.
Dad drove five of us under a bridge with a sign saying "12 feet"
"Oh no! We only have 10 feet! Better turn back."
I was driving down the street with my family till I saw a sign outside a pizza parlor that said "Wood Fired Pizza"
How's Pizza gonna get a job now?
Passed a farm with a sign that said "selling hay", but there was noone there
They might get more business selling "hello's" or "hi's"
[Help!] I'm asking this girl to prom and I need help with the sign.
She's super good at basketball and signed to Alabama earlier this year. I was trying to think of something funny, and usually I'm pretty good at that sorta thing, but Alabama just doesn't work too well. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!
I went to the zoo the other day, walked past a cage with just a baguette in it. Confused, I checked the sign......
.........it said bread in captivity
I was out shopping today and I saw a stand with a sign that said, “Used Batteries”.
I walked up to the guy running the stand and he handed me two batteries. I asked him how much I owed him.
He said, “Nothing, they’re free of charge.”
Came across a store the other day with a sign in the window that said ... HELP WANTED-SELF SERVE.
I went in and hired myself.
Everyone in baseball is wondering who Bryce Harper will sign with.....
My guess is anyone that understands it.
I didn't know he was hearing impaired.
🤣
I've stopped driving since they put signs on the road saying "DRIVE WITH CARE".
Who the hell is that person ?
Saw a sign that said “Shoplifting can leave a person with a record and impact their life. “
Dad: “That’s only if you shoplift a record. “
He laughed at himself for the next 3 minutes of our lives.
My dad held a sign with a picture of all kinds of olives..
At a black lives matter march when people asked him "what do you think you are doing?"
He replied "I think olives matter!"
Asking my dad what the yellow signs with the curvy arrows meant on streets
"That's the way you move you butt when you drive!"
Driving with my dad and we see a yard sale sign...
"Why would anyone want to sell their yard?"
Every time I go to the airport with my family, I am filled with fear over how my dad will respond to this sign
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
