My purpose for this post is to get insight from others about relationships they have been in that ended as a result of depression/anxiety/self-sabotage. I want to learn from this situation and move to better my future. Who else has been through something similar?

Was dating a girl for 3 months and things were going great! We had a great time together, shared similar interests and deep conversation. We genuinely enjoyed each others time. However, during this time I noticed she was love bombing at times and then pulling, and repeating this cycle. She was also very nit picky at everything I did for her. I would do random acts of love and kindness and she would tell me it caused her anxiety and uncertainty. She would tell me she need some space sometimes and distance. She told me about her history of depression and anxiety and from our talks it sounded like she was going through it again. She was telling me about all her anxiety and lack of interest in life, family, friends, school/career. I listened to her and gave her what she needed, until eventually our talking became less and less. We saw each other at a gathering and she was distant but occasionally showed signs of love. I asked after the gathering what was going on and told me she's becoming less attractive to me and we are "incompatible." I was in denial. Her words/actions were so loving just a couples days before and now her words are a 180 degrees different. We had long conversations about our relationship, I wanted to salvage it anyway possible, but eventually she wanted a break. One month later she told me she has clarity and sees me as a friend. One month after that I send her a caring and loving message wanting to try again to witch see responded angrily. Tell me I am gaslighting and not hearing her. She told me when we were together she remembers feeling uncertain, and anxious a lot. I left it at that and didnt respond and im moving on. Now im sitting here realizing that she was actually gaslighting by calling me out on my random acts of kindness. Making me think im doing something wrong and projecting her anxiety onto my and my actions.

In the aftermath, her friends told me she has a history of self-sabotage and have called her out on it, but she doesn't really acknowledge it.

I went on a date Sunday that went unexpectedly well. But the woman is the most conventionally attractive person I've ever been on a date with and perhaps more importantly she cares about her looks (the women I usually date don't use makeup/spray tan and I interpret that as not caring as much about normative beauty standards). I'm an average looking (grew up very below average) looking guy. She is a slow texter and a little high energy, whereas I'm the opposite.

Edit: great points about how the amount of appearance performance in oneself is not indicative of expectations in a partner. The bigger insecurity is probably the energy thing. My ex-wife hated when I slept in on weekends and was less impressed with me in real life than the idea of me that she married, and I think I'm triggered by that memory.

I know I'm getting ahead of things but I'm wondering, do you guys ever cut it off with somebody you like because you think there might be some long-term issue that hasn't manifested yet? Or is that self-sabotage to project problems that don't exist?

*** EDIT *** Carbon black has resolved issue:

Cause

There was a change in the behavior of the latest version of Microsoft Edge

Resolution

As of 9:55 PM EST on March 09, our Engineering team resolved the issue with the recent Microsoft Edge update by pushing the necessary changes to all production environments.  As of this time, it is safe to remove any bypass rules that were created in the interim.

==============================================================================

Edge will spawn multiple processes with no visible window. Remove or stop Carbon Black, Edge pops open.

From Carbon Black Support:

We understand that that MS Edge is blocked when the sensor is in an active state. We are aware of the issue and our engineering team is working to find a resolution.

As a workaround, you can try the below mentioned steps:

1. Downgrading to Edge build 89.0.774.45 resolves issue
2. Using another browser
3. Moving sensors into bypass
4. Adding the following API Bypass rules to the permissions within the policy will also help. Please keep in mind that an API bypass can limit visibility into your environment. We recommend removing the bypass after a permanent fix is applied.

**\SystemApps\**\MicrosoftEdge.exe

**\SystemApps\Microsoft.MicrosoftEdge_*\MicrosoftEdge.exe

*:\program files*\microsoft\edge\application\msedge.exe

Carbon Black Cloud: MS Edge Failure to launch after 89.0.774.48 update https://community.carbonblack.com/t5/Knowledge-Base/Carbon-Black-Cloud-MS-Edge-Failure-to-launch-after-89-0-774-48/ta-p/101461#U101461

I have a couple Solanum Peruvianum (Peruvian Tomato) plants going and was reading that they are self incompatible. I think I understand the basics, in that the sexual parts of the plant are able to stop pollen from entering and producing fruit in the plant.

It says to plant multiple of the same plants together to increase likelihood of pollination so I assume it’s not impossible for self incompatible plants to be compatible (which I guess stands to reason) but my question is, if I have other tomato plants, or nightshade plants(?) nearby, how does that affect the the genetics of the plant.

For instance, if it gets cross pollinated with a nearby tomato plant, does that make the seeds that I would save from the self incompatible fruit a hybrid species? I assume a self incompatible species does it to prevent “inbreeding” and therefore the plant should benefit from cross pollination of species (in theory). Is this true?

Thanks for your help !

Does anyone know of any resources that provide a list of self-incompatible trees? I’ve been planting single dogwoods, redbuds, oaks, and other trees in hopes of a naturalizing effect that spreads native plants slowly across a large tract of land for cheap, though I’m afraid that won’t happen unless I plant more.

Hey everyone, wanted to share a feeling to vent and to see if anyone else experienced it.

As the title suggests, I broke up with my SO of 8 months recently and my head is all over the place. I don't think she is a toxic person but I do feel I had to "rescue" her since the beginning of the relationship and that I could change her..

She's pessimistic, does not like to go out, is not adventurous/curious to try new things and go out of her comfort zone etc. which I feel is the opposite of me. I also feel we did not have sexual compatibility.

During the course of the relationship I tried to ignore the red flags and even embrace them at the beginning as I felt I could change her for sure. But seeing that she had not changed, I started feeling resentful, especially when she was complaining and being negative ( Am I not making you happy?).

I told her during the break up that I kept the resentment inside and also about not telling her about my grievances. She told me I should have told her before and feels like she was living a lie all this time, which made me feel really bad.

We went from a break up to a break now because to her this could be seen as only a rough patch that every couple goes through. As a person without a good sense of "self", her reality became mine and now I feel like maybe I was unreasonable and broke up too abruptly. I now feel tremendous guilt about it.She is the person who accompanied me during my cancer treatments last year. Maybe I asked too much of her ( changing her behavior, constant sexual approval)

Why can't it be simple and just knowing what I really want deep down. I miss her presence so much but I was growing really frustrated of the fact I could not change her.

My head spins, I do not know if wanting someone more compatible is healthy and normal OR if the failure resides on what seems to be codependent behavior on my part.

Just writing this here makes me think I don't even trust myself to make good decisions...

Ok so in short, I (18M) have realized that for the last 2 years either consciously or subconsciousnessly, I have been improving myself in subjects such as past trauma, social skills and mindset. I feel that I can actually see the light in the tunnel. When it comes to things as such loving myself, self confidence and trust issues I am still struggling but have made jumps in contrast to my past.

However. Ever since i enrolled in University my brain said "I find a gf". Now, there are 2 issues with this.

1. Throughout my school years I never pursued that sort of thing because I was bullied, so that screwed in unimaginable ways leading me to avoid not only girls but people in general. It got to the point that my brain terminated any thought of romance like "do not even try its pointless you'll get hurt move on". So now I have no clue what to do in that regard and I am trying to simultaneously also figure that out.
2. I know that unless i don't love myself first, be confident and open, there is no chance to do anything (couple that with an unmuscular body yeah this ain't looking too good).

Now that context is given here is the thing. I am caught in a paradox. I want to find a gf, yet i know that I don't have the requirements for something like that, since it wouldn't be right for both parties involved. Yet I'm scared that I'll be behind in experience in that matter in the following years and lose opportunities and experiences. But yet again I know that I will never be perfect in regards to my self improvement and if I wait to be perfect I'll never life. I really don't know how to move forward. I want to see how love is like. But if I don't love myself how will anyone love me. But I'm afraid that until then the world will move on past the point I can join in.

I would really appreciate any help, advice, your experiences too. I'm in ground zero as a young adult and I just want to be happy with myself.

Thank you!

When both of these add-ons are enabled, Self-Destructing Cookies doesn't work. I am using Iceweasel 23 on Debian 7. I have tested this with the latest version of Self-Destructing Cookies v4.1, and Ghostery v2.9.6 and v5.0.5, in isolation with no other add ons enabled. It seems that SDC will not delete cookies nor show notifications while Ghostery is enabled.

EDIT: SDC v0.3.2 and Ghostery v2.9.6 seem to co-exist peacefully, though peculiarly the Ghostery icon is the only extension icon visible in the Navigation Toolbar.

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD by her psychiatrist but her therapist hesitates to diagnose her because she is incredibly self aware. She has a lot of the classic warning signs of BPD: a father who abandoned her, reckless drug use in her early teen years, childhood abuse, history of rape and suicide attempts. She can be emotionally volatile, has low self image, abandonment trauma, feelings of emptiness, and anger.

How I see this most often is that she becomes very emotional (usually very depressed or angry) when a triggering situation happens (usually this is a situation where she feels undervalued or abandoned). However, I'd say about 80% of the time can at least acknowledge that this this her BPD making her feel this way. The way that we deal with it is validating that that is how she feels but it isn't always the reality of the situation (she can differentiate from her emotional brain and her logical brain). Another thing she will do is just say she needs some alone time to cool down or I'll tell her I need to be alone, so that she isn't hurting me with her intense feelings. She has acknowledged to me on multiple occasions behaviors of hers that are a result of BPD/trauma that she knows aren't acceptable/are hurtful and has made significant effort to curb it or at least admit that that's why she's doing or saying something when it happens (this makes her behavior much less distressing for me).

There are times though where she only recognizes after that it is BPD (or because I end up pointing it out)-- and that can lead to arguments between us two or incredibly nihilistic mindsets that I think further depress her ("nothing will ever work out" "I'm not meant for love" "I am going to end up alone" etc). These mindsets usually wane over time and she becomes happy again, it's a bit of a rollercoaster with her. She has been in therapy for many years at this point and touched on some aspects of DBT, she's also medicated for ADHD and depression, which I think all helps with not staying in those mindsets. She also isn't like mean, doesn't yell at me, I definitely don't feel manipulated, but I do feel like she tries to argue a lot and can assume bad intent on my part that I then feel the need to defend myself from. That and the emotional volatility can get exhausting. It can be mitigated significantly due to her self awareness but it's obviously still an issue.

Does anyone else have a loved one like this? Does her level of self awareness and abil

Reading through the alchemists alchemy leaves little doubt that the inbiber of the concoction is always the target of the spell, and yet the alchemist has access to multiple spells with targets that would hardly be compatible with this, for example blood transcription, claim identity and liquefy.
I always asumed when inbibing such a potion you could use the spell like any other class with access to the, because otherwise what's the point of having them at all?

I'd like to know if it is explained anywhere how to use such formulae. Should I use the concoction as an ointment in the case of spells that affect objects like liquify? should I always be the target even when it would normally be illegal so that, for example, liquefy would liquefy myself?

Thanks for your time

Looking for advice from the chill INTJ type specifically, since we tend to deal with this shit a bit different.

He (35M) and I (32F) have been in love for a few years now, with unresolved issues and differences that are no longer ignorable (first mistake I guess).

It's clear it's not gonna work, my instincts agree, and I know if I spilled all the details on it, I know what the collective Reddit would say. I have plenty of logical reasons not to love him, but since love isn't really logical...

Have any of you developed strategies for this sort of thing? Has anyone found a way to help shut down feels? Or at least temporarily cope till they die off on their own over time? No wrong answers, no judgement, show me what you got.