My son is saving his money for an Icee.

It's a slush fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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What do you call clown that is good at saving money?

Pennywise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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It turns out that saving money on low wattage light bulbs was not the brightest idea.
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kitten-whiskers
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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My money saving habits don't work

It makes no cents

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limekilnlake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
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I'm saving money for new shrubs out front

I call it my hedge fund

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElLibroGrande
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....

Available balance: $9.11

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grit1963
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you believe that Boeing is going to start building planes out of cardboard to save money?!

We can’t just let things like this fly!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_post_gibberish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 681
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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If you want to save money this Christmas,

now is the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My New Year's resolution is to save enough money to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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How do pig families save money on clothes?

They use ham-me-downs

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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Mernards. Sorry if this is a repost
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagefulRobin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If you ever see money jumping off a cliff, don't go after it. Everyone says, it is very hard to save money.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked while trying to save my money

I accidentally put my wallet through the wash last night. This morning, as I was drying its contents with a hair dryer, my uncle walks in and immediately says "you do know that money laundering is a crime, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zephyrsothe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
🚨︎ report
How does the sun save money?

Eclipse coupons.

(came up with this one this morning, pretty proud of the groans I got)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainwalnut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Bought some low-quality toilet paper to save money...

...but it makes my hand feel kinda shitty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballroomaddict
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2015
🚨︎ report
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by...

Switching my car into reverse and speeding away from the scene of the accident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron1312
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Joke I came up with today

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoPolesGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Me Dad got me with this one at dinner...

I was visiting my folks, and decided to take em out to dinner when Ma got home. We go for a feed, all is well. I'm standing up at the end of the table, leaning on its edge with me phone out as Ma was organising herself. Da came back from the loo, and asked me what I was doing on me phone.

"Checking me balance." I replied, showing him my bank app. I had just been paid and was moving money around to savings and such, after paying for dinner by phone NFC.

Without warning he gives me a good hip n shoulder, not hard enough to send me flying but enough to shift me a bit.

"Ya balance looks shit, boy."

He smirks at me as Ma groans audibly. Cheeky old bugger.

This is why he's going in a crooked retirement home you always see on the News.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oi-FatBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife has started making her own coffee at home...

We’re going to save a latte money.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NecessaryCulture
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Bit long: There is a world where...

There is a world where everyone is a cheerio and there are 4 main ranks. There is the plain cheerio then the chocolate cheerio then then the rainbow cheerio and then finally King cheerio himself. In this world there is a man called Steve, Steve was a plain cheerio working at a Mc. donalds. He found working there very boring, so he saved up enough money to get a surgery to become a chocolate cheerio. And so he got the surgery and now he was able to be manager at the Mc. Donalds he was working at. However he still didn't feel as if this was enough so he saved up enough money to get another surgery to become a rainbow cheerio. Now that he was a rainbow cheerio he owned Mc. Donalds itself. As a celebration king cheerio hosted a party at his mansion for Steve's new job. During the party Steve got a chance to speak with the King and he asked him how it was to be a the king, but the king replied that it was extremely exhausting to be the king. So Steve decided that he didn't want to be king. After his conversation he felt thirst so headed over to the drinks building. On the first floor he new he could get bear which he wanted, but as he arrived he noticed that the line was too big. So Steve went up to the next floor where there was wine, but again the line was too big. On the third floor there was Coke, but just like the other floors the line was too big. He also new that on the 5th floor there was milk which was his favourite. So he thought that might as well skip the 4th floor to get milk. But he changed his mind has he walked by the 4th floor as he saw the sign that they where serving punch and as he realised there wasn't any punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/51MOE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my Girlfriend with a Classic Last Night

We were texting friends trying to set up something over the weekend and her best friend bailed saying she needed to save money. So my girlfriend turned to me and said:

"I'm SO pissed off"

"Well that's better than being pissed on honey"

You could hear the groan from a mile away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arttotheheart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
We just a new heat pump installed in our house.

My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.

Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.

Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!

Me: -_-

Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle

Me: god dammit dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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Every time my Mom gets back from shopping:

Mom: "Look at all these things I got on sale!"

Dad: "I'm going to go broke from you saving so much money."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Young_Zaphod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
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Bank Teller got dad joked pretty badly by my dad

Leaving for vacation and my dad cashes in his coins he's been saving. We bring the voucher up to the teller.

Bank Teller: okay sir how would you like your money?

Dad: US currency preferably

Bank teller: long awkward pause as she gets him money

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Notsoh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Dads take on vegetable based rock bands

This is an older story, I think it was roughly 98 or 99. My little brother was getting into rock and was listening to Limp Biskit and Korn. He saved up some money to get a CD so my dad took him to Sam Goody. My little brother gets the newest hit record by Korn and brings it to the counter and check out. With my dad by his side, he places the record on the counter and the late nineties rocker chick, loaded up with tons of eye liner and hot topic wear working the cash register says "oh yeah! I love Korn, I know everything about them, I have all their records." Without a fucking second thought and the straightest face, my dad says "I guess that makes you a little corny."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDdesign
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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Happy Holidays Edition

I was over at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago when his dad stopped by. I've had this friend for twenty years, and his father knew me since I was a wee lad. All of the Christmas decorations are strewn through the neighborhood, including my friends neighbors house whose yard is filled with these 4 foot tall wrapped Christmas gifts adorned with colorful lights. My friend's dad looked out the window and saw the boxes. "Say, your neighbors left some pretty big presents out in the yard." My friend replies, "You should take 'em, save money on your. Christmas shopping." His dad instantly says, "They might be too big to fit in my car. Although, they do look pretty...light."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murmur322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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My New Years resolution this year is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I’m planning on sticking to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My New year's resolution is to save enough money to buy myself a Velcro wall.

I'm planning on sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegasketmaker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a clown who likes to save money?

Pennywise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Rippletin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report

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